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Campaign speeches are the only place where the phrase "I have a plan" is supposed to inspire confidence instead of anxiety. In real life, if someone says they have a plan, you start looking for the nearest exit.
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I love how politicians use their families as props during campaign speeches. It's like they're saying, "Look, I can manage this bunch of chaos at home, so imagine what I can do for the entire country!" Sorry, but running a household doesn't qualify you to run a nation.
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You know it's campaign season when every speech starts with, "It's an honor and a privilege to stand before you today." I mean, sure, it's an honor, but can we talk about the privilege of not having to listen to another campaign speech?
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Campaign speeches are the only time you'll see someone talk about the economy with the passion of a sports commentator. "And here comes the GDP, rounding the corner with a strong fiscal quarter, folks! It's a real nail-biter for the national debt!
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Why do politicians always wave so enthusiastically during speeches? It's like they're auditioning for a beauty pageant of democracy. "And the winner is... the candidate with the most vigorous wrist action!
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Campaign speeches are like the Tinder bios of politics. They promise the world, sound great at first, but deep down, you know there's some creative exaggeration going on. "I'll fix everything, love long walks on the beach, and my favorite color is bipartisan unity.
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Why do politicians always have that signature pointing move during speeches? It's like they're auditioning for a superhero role. "Look over there, it's Captain Tax Reform, pointing at fiscal responsibility!
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Ever notice how politicians love to talk about the future during campaign speeches? It's as if they have a crystal ball that magically turns campaign promises into reality. Spoiler alert: It's more like a campaign snow globe – shake it up, and it looks pretty, but it doesn't actually change anything.
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Campaign speeches are the only time where applause is a universal language. You could be in a room full of people who disagree on everything, but when the candidate says, "Let's make America great again!" everyone suddenly turns into a synchronized clapping orchestra.
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