bestTrending Topics
Joke Types
0
0
You know, I hired a builder recently. Great guy, really. But he's got this unique ability to disappear whenever there's a tough job. It's like he's got a superpower – the power of invisibility, but only when there's heavy lifting involved. I asked him, "Hey, where were you when I needed help moving that sofa?" He said, "Oh, I was in the van getting some tools." The only tool I saw him use was his phone to check the latest sports scores.
And don't get me started on deadlines. I told him, "We need this project done by Friday." He looked at me with a straight face and said, "Sure, which Friday did you have in mind? I've got a golf tournament on Thursday."
I didn't realize I hired a part-time builder, part-time comedian. Now my house is a construction zone, and the only thing getting built is my frustration.
0
0
Builders have their own unique math system. I asked my builder, "How much is this renovation going to cost?" He starts throwing around numbers like a blackjack dealer in Vegas. I think he's making them up on the spot. Then comes the famous builder's discount. You know, the one where they charge you full price and then generously subtract the imaginary discount. I'm waiting for the day when I can use builder's math at the grocery store – "That'll be $100." "How about we make it $50 and call it a deal?"
I asked him, "Are these estimates accurate?" He replied, "Well, it's an estimate, not a crystal ball. Besides, surprises keep life interesting." I don't need interesting; I need a bathroom without any surprises!
0
0
Have you ever noticed that builders have their own playlist? It's like a mixtape of construction sounds – the rhythmic thud of a hammer, the soothing buzz of a saw, and the symphony of various drills. It's like they're composing a masterpiece, and my home is the stage. I told my builder, "Can we turn down the noise a bit?" He looked at me like I just insulted his favorite band. "You don't like the sound of progress?" he said. Progress sounds a lot like a jackhammer at 7 AM.
And why do they always have radios with questionable reception? I asked him, "What's with the static?" He replied, "That's the sound of productivity." I think he's secretly tuning in to the construction radio station, where the DJ is a guy hammering in the background.
0
0
So, builders have this magical toolbox that seems to have everything – except whatever they need at the moment. It's like Mary Poppins' bag, but instead of pulling out lamps and mirrors, they pull out excuses. I asked my builder, "Do you have a level?" He looks at me, scratching his head, and says, "Well, I had one, but I used it to prop up that uneven table at the pub last night." Great, so my house is getting the same treatment as a wobbly bar table.
And don't even mention the precision tools. I asked for a precise measurement, and he pulls out a tape measure that's seen better days. It's so worn out; I think it's measuring in nostalgia.
Post a Comment