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You know, I recently got myself a bachelor's degree, and let me tell you, it's like getting a receipt for the most expensive meal I've ever had. I'm sitting there, looking at this piece of paper, and thinking, "Wow, I paid a fortune for this, and all I got was this lousy degree." I mean, they make it sound like getting a bachelor's degree is the key to success. But so far, the only thing it has unlocked is a mountain of student loan debt. I feel like I should get a t-shirt that says, "I survived college, but my bank account didn't."
And you know, they say a bachelor's degree opens doors, but all I've found so far are doors to coffee shops where I beg for a Wi-Fi password to send out more job applications. Maybe they should call it a "knock-knock" degree because I keep knocking on doors, but opportunity seems to be on an extended vacation.
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Getting a bachelor's degree is like going on a treasure hunt, except the treasure is buried under a pile of textbooks, and the map is written in a language only professors understand. And let's not forget the professors who assign a dozen books for one class. I'm not studying; I'm preparing for a book club meeting that I didn't sign up for. I thought I was pursuing a degree, not a scavenger hunt. I half-expected my diploma to be hidden at the end of a maze, guarded by a grumpy old professor who asks riddles like, "What has four years, costs a fortune, and leaves you wondering if it was worth it?" The answer? A bachelor's degree.
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I was talking to a friend the other day who said, "I don't need a bachelor's degree; I have life experience." I told him, "Well, life experience doesn't come with a cool graduation ceremony and a fancy hat. It just comes with more wrinkles and a collection of embarrassing stories." But seriously, there's this ongoing debate between education and experience. I feel like my degree is my ticket to the adult table, but life experience is the crazy uncle who crashes the party. You can't choose between them, and they both have a way of making your life interesting.
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Degrees are confusing, aren't they? I mean, we've got Fahrenheit, Celsius, and now we've added the stress degrees from college. They should have a thermometer that measures how stressed you are based on your student loan balance. I thought I was getting a degree in a subject, but it turns out I also got a master's degree in avoiding phone calls from the loan office. "Hello, this is your student loan provider." Click. I've mastered that art.
And don't get me started on the different types of degrees. We've got bachelor's, master's, and Ph.D. It's like a weird hierarchy. I feel like I'm in a degree mafia where the Ph.D. is the godfather, and the rest of us are just trying not to get whacked by our student loans.
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