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So, there's this ongoing debate about whether hard cider is better than regular cider. It's like the cider civil war. I'm just sitting here thinking, "Can't we all just get cider along?" People get all snobby about their choice, right? You mention hard cider, and suddenly you're a rebellious free spirit. Bring up regular cider, and you're a wholesome, apple-pie-baking saint. It's like the beverage version of choosing between being a pirate or a boy scout.
And then there's that one friend who's like, "I like both." Really? You're the Switzerland of cider preferences? You're the peacemaker in this bubbly brew battle? I don't trust you; you're probably drinking pear cider when no one's looking.
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You ever notice how every fall, people start losing their minds over apple cider? Like, suddenly it's the elixir of life. Everyone's like, "Oh, the leaves are changing, time to worship at the altar of apple cider!" I mean, it's just apple juice that's been to a spa, right? I went to one of those fancy orchards once, you know, the ones that make a big deal out of pressing their own cider. They're all like, "This cider is made from the tears of organic apples gently handpicked by fairies under a harvest moon." I'm like, "It's just a fancy apple juice cleanse, people!"
And then they have the audacity to ask if you want it hot or cold. Like, what kind of life-altering decision is that? I'm standing there thinking, "Do I want to feel like I'm sipping on a cozy autumn hug or do I want brain freeze with a side of nostalgia?" Decisions, decisions.
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You know it's officially fall when pumpkin spice lattes and apple cider start battling for supremacy. It's like a caffeinated war of the seasons. Pumpkin spice is the quarterback, and apple cider is the underdog trying to score a touchdown. People get downright territorial about their fall beverage allegiance. You can't be sipping on a pumpkin spice latte and admit you also enjoy apple cider. It's like cheating on your coffee with a rebellious side of orchard freshness. Your barista will give you the side-eye, like you just betrayed the sacred order of fall flavors.
And let's not even get started on the pumpkin spice apple cider hybrid. I call it the "autumn identity crisis." It's like, pick a lane, drink, we don't have time for this indecision.
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Have you ever met those people who turn into certified cider snobs during the fall? They're like, "Oh, you've never tried the 100-year-old barrel-aged artisanal cider infused with the essence of a haunted apple orchard? You're missing out, darling." I'm sorry, Susan, but I don't need my cider to come with a resume. It's not a job interview; it's a drink! I just want something that tastes like apples, not like it was brewed in a wizard's cauldron under a harvest moon.
And don't get me started on the glassware. They serve it in these fancy glasses that make you feel like you should be wearing a monocle. I just want a red plastic cup like a normal person, not an engraved chalice.
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