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The Apple Cider Connoisseur
When you take apple cider way too seriously
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The Apple Cider Connoisseur invited me to his cider-tasting event. I thought it would be casual, but no, he had a whole ceremony. There was a guy playing the violin while we sipped cider. I felt like I was in a Shakespearean play, but with more apples and fewer tragic endings.
The Conspiracy Theorist
When apple cider becomes part of a grand conspiracy
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This guy believes there's a hidden message in every bottle of apple cider. He handed me one and said, "Look closely, there's a map to the secret apple orchard where they plan world domination." I stared at the bottle, and all I found was a best-by date. Maybe the apocalypse is just a really bad batch of cider.
The Romantic Apple Picker
When picking apples becomes a romantic endeavor
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This romantic apple picker insisted on serenading each apple before picking it. He'd whisper sweet nothings like, "You're the apple of my eye," and, "I'll never let you go... into someone else's pie." It was so cringeworthy that even the apples blushed.
The Confused Bartender
When the bartender has no idea what to do with apple cider
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The bartender finally hands me a glass, and I take a sip. It tasted like confusion and regret. I asked him, "Is this apple cider?" He replies, "Well, I mixed apple juice, water, and a splash of existential crisis. Enjoy!
The Fitness Freak
When apple cider becomes a workout regimen
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This fitness freak swears that apple cider is the key to a six-pack. I guess if you drink enough, you'll be too busy running to the bathroom to eat anything. Who needs crunches when you have urgent bathroom sprints?
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