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You ever have that friend who's like your own personal Bermuda Triangle? I've got a buddy named Anthony, and I swear, if you give him your keys, they enter a whole new dimension. Last week, I handed him my keys, and now they're probably chilling in Narnia with Aslan, having a better time than I am at work. I mean, Anthony, are my keys on vacation, or did they just decide to retire and live the good life without me? I've started carrying a spare set just for Anthony emergencies. It's like having a key insurance policy.
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We all have that one friend with a fashion sense that's stuck in a time warp. Anthony is living in the '80s, and I'm just here trying to keep up with the 21st century. Last week, he showed up in acid-washed jeans and a neon windbreaker like he just stepped out of a Back to the Future sequel. I asked him if he was going to a costume party or auditioning for a retro music video. Anthony, my dude, we're not filming Stranger Things; you can leave the DeLorean at home. I've started a GoFundMe to update Anthony's wardrobe to the current millennium.
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So, Anthony decided he was going to cook dinner for us the other night. Now, I've seen better results from a cooking show hosted by a toddler. He told me he was making spaghetti carbonara. I walk into the kitchen, and it looks like a crime scene. There's egg on the ceiling, pasta on the floor, and the bacon? Let's just say it looked more like charcoal. I asked him if we were having spaghetti or participating in a food fight. I think he read the recipe upside down or something. Now, whenever Anthony offers to cook, I order takeout just in case the kitchen needs a hazmat team afterward.
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Anthony and I decided to go on a road trip. I handed him the GPS, and suddenly we're on an Indiana Jones-style quest. "In 500 feet, turn left and cross the treacherous Bridge of Doom." I'm like, "Anthony, are you sure this is the right way?" Next thing you know, we're in a cornfield in the middle of nowhere, and the GPS lady has given up. She just says, "You're on your own, good luck." We finally made it, but I'm pretty sure we visited three extra states on the way. If Anthony ever offers to navigate, just know you're signing up for a Choose Your Own Adventure road trip.
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