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Joke Types
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How do you organize a fantastic Catholic men's retreat? You plan it Mass-terfully!
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Why did the priest go to the men's retreat with a ladder? He wanted to take his spirituality to the next level!
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Why did the priest bring a calendar to the retreat? To schedule some 'holy days off'!
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Why did the priest bring a camera to the retreat? To capture those 'divine moments' on film!
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Why did the Catholic men's retreat have a barbecue? They wanted to grill and confess at the same time!
Hymns or Hummus – Liturgical Lunch Dilemmas
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I went to grab lunch at the retreat, and they had this choice between singing hymns or dipping hummus. I'm standing there with a pita, wondering if I should harmonize with my fellow men or join the hummus chorus. Tough decisions, man.
Confessions in 280 Characters or Less
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In an effort to modernize confession at the Catholic men's retreat, they introduced Confession Tweets. You kneel, confess your sins in 280 characters or less, and wait for the priest's reply with an emoji. I got a thumbs up for admitting to stealing extra communion wafers. #HolyMunchies
Finding Inner Peace with Snoring Saints
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I attended a Catholic men's retreat recently, and let me tell you, trying to find inner peace with a bunch of snoring saints in the same dormitory is like trying to meditate in the middle of a construction site. I felt like I was in a holy snorechestra, and I didn't even get a program!
Holy Laughter at the Catholic Men's Retreat
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You know you're at a Catholic men's retreat when the idea of a wild night involves playing bingo and confessing to stealing cookies as a kid. I mean, I thought we were going to have a 'come to Jesus' moment, not a 'come clean about your cookie crimes' session.
Bless Me, Father, for I Have Lost My Phone Charger
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At the retreat, I overheard a guy confessing to losing his phone charger. The priest's response? Say three Our Fathers, two Hail Marys, and go to the lost and found. I didn't know divine intervention extended to USB cables, but hey, whatever works.
Amen or Ahem? Navigating Choir Practice
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I tried joining the retreat choir, thinking I had a voice that could make angels weep. Turns out, it made the guy next to me weep. They quickly shuffled me to the back, where my off-key 'amens' sounded more like 'ahems.' I guess I'm better suited for silent prayer.
Spiritual Dodgeball – Smiting the Sin Out of You
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You know it's a Catholic men's retreat when they turn a simple game of dodgeball into a spiritual experience. Instead of yelling Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, and Dodge, it's more like Repent, Reflect, Rejoice, Redeem, and... Dodge. I felt like I was in the middle of a holy athletic exorcism.
Bible Study or Netflix Binge? Choices, Choices.
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At the Catholic men's retreat, they had a Netflix and Theology night. I was torn between studying the Bible or binge-watching biblical movies. I figured watching Charlton Heston part the Red Sea was almost as good as reading the book, right?
Hallelujah Hikes and Confession Trails
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At the Catholic men's retreat, they advertised these spiritual hikes through nature, promising a profound connection with God. Little did I know, the trail was basically a path of confession stations. I've never repented so much while climbing a hill. Forgive me, Father, for these calf muscles I'm about to unleash!
The Miracle of Instant Coffee
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You haven't truly experienced divine intervention until you've witnessed the miracle of instant coffee turning into the body of caffeine. At the Catholic men's retreat, forget wine – the real transubstantiation happens in the morning with that questionable powdered substance.
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