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I've come to realize that having a big nose is like having a front-row seat to the Nostril Olympics every time you sneeze. It's an event, I tell you! The precision, the distance—I'm practically launching tissues across the room. I should get sponsorship deals from tissue companies. "Introducing the new Ultra-Nose, making sneezes a sport and cleaning up a breeze." Just imagine the training montage: me, in slow motion, dramatically launching tissues into wastebaskets. It's like the Olympics, but with more allergies.
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You know, folks, I've been thinking about getting a nose job lately. Not because I want a smaller nose or a cuter button nose—no, no, I'm thinking about going the opposite direction. I want a big nose, like a really big one. I want to embrace it, you know? But here's the dilemma: do I go for the classic ski slope look, or should I aim for the 'I can smell what you had for breakfast from across the room' kind of nose? Choices, choices! I just hope the surgeon doesn't get carried away and give me a trunk. I don't want to be mistaken for an elephant in a lineup!
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You ever notice how people with big noses are always the first to know if someone is baking cookies in the neighborhood? It's like having a built-in radar for deliciousness. I mean, who needs a fancy security system when you have a schnoz that can detect the scent of fresh chocolate chip cookies from a mile away? Forget bloodhounds; we should be recruiting people with big noses for search and rescue missions. "Lost hiker? Don't worry, I'll find them—I can smell the trail of granola bars they left behind.
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Trying to find sunglasses that fit when you have a big nose is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. I walk into a store, and the salesperson hands me these delicate, stylish frames that look like they belong on a tiny fairy. I put them on, and suddenly I look like a bug wearing shades. It's a real challenge finding sunglasses that don't perch on the bridge of my nose like a delicate bird afraid of commitment. I need sunglasses that scream, "I'm here to stay, and so is my nose!" Maybe I should start a line of sunglasses specifically designed for people with prominent proboscises—call it "Shady Schnoz Wear.
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