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Let's talk about toasts in the age of social media. I was at a birthday party, and instead of clinking glasses, everyone was holding up their phones for a group selfie. We're so obsessed with documenting the moment that we forget to actually live it. And don't get me started on those friends who insist on recording the entire toast on their phones. "Dude, it's not a Hollywood movie; it's just Aunt Karen's birthday party. Put the phone down and pick up your drink!"
I miss the days when a toast was about raising a glass and saying something heartfelt. Now it's about finding the right Instagram filter. If the lighting isn't perfect, does the sentiment even count?
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You ever notice how in the 21st century, speeches have become like avocado toast? Everyone's trying to make them fancy, but deep down, it's still just someone talking. I went to a wedding recently, and the best man's speech was like a TED Talk. He had slides, graphs, and even a laser pointer. I thought I was at a business seminar, not celebrating love. I was waiting for him to say, "And if you turn to slide 23, you'll see the growth projection of their relationship."
You know it's a 21st-century speech when the speaker has more PowerPoint slides than heartfelt anecdotes. Back in the day, a best man would just raise his glass and say, "Here's to the happy couple!" Now, he needs Wi-Fi to make a toast.
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Have you ever tried giving a heartfelt speech using auto-correct? It's like playing a dangerous game of verbal roulette. I was at a graduation, and the valedictorian's speech got auto-corrected. Instead of saying, "I'm excited for the future," it became, "I'm exotic for the future." Suddenly, the entire crowd is looking at the valedictorian like, "Are you planning to become a tropical fruit or something?" Auto-correct turns us all into accidental comedians.
And let's not forget the awkward moments when auto-correct changes a serious sentiment into a questionable one. "I'm grateful for all the teachers who touched me." Yeah, I think you meant "taught" there, buddy.
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In the 21st century, we've even taken speeches into the virtual world. I attended a virtual wedding where the groom gave his vows through a Zoom call. It was like watching a romantic comedy with a really bad connection. And virtual speeches have their own set of challenges. There's always that one person who forgets to unmute themselves and starts pouring their heart out to a muted audience. "I said I love you, and you're all just staring at me like I'm on mute. Can you hear me now?"
And the worst part is when the virtual background goes haywire. Suddenly, the bride and groom are exchanging vows on a tropical beach while the best man is stuck in outer space. It's like a sci-fi romantic comedy, and I'm just waiting for the alien invasion during the first dance.
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