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21st speeches are the only time when the phrase "Let me share a few words" instills fear in the hearts of everyone in the room. It's like, "Oh no, here comes the novel!
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You can always spot the people who didn't prepare for the speech. They start with, "I wasn't planning on saying anything," and then proceed to talk for so long that people start planning their escape routes.
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Ever notice that the longer the speech, the more likely it is to include embarrassing childhood stories? I'm just waiting for someone to stand up and say, "Remember that time you got stuck in the neighbor's tree? Good times!
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The best part of 21st speeches is when someone starts with, "I'm not much of a speaker," and then proceeds to give a TED Talk on the significance of the birthday person's favorite childhood toy. Suddenly, everyone's an orator when there's cake on the line.
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Have you ever noticed that the most profound life advice comes from someone holding a plastic cup of soda with a questionable amount of ice? Nothing says wisdom like a lukewarm cola.
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Have you ever noticed that 21st speeches are like a crash course in public speaking? People who can't make eye contact suddenly become the Martin Luther King Jr. of the family, passionately preaching about the struggles of finding matching socks.
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I love it when people start their speeches with, "I don't know where to begin." Well, maybe start with the fact that we're all here for a birthday, not a dissertation on the meaning of existence.
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The moment someone says, "I'll keep it short," you know you're in for a marathon of anecdotes and life advice. I've heard shorter sermons at church on a Sunday morning.
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It's funny how 21st speeches turn into a competition. It's not about the birthday person; it's about who can make the most people cry. I saw Aunt Carol pull out a PowerPoint presentation last time – I didn't even know she knew what PowerPoint was!
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