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So, we all became experts in something during quarantine, right? For me, it was discovering the fascinating world of indoor plants. Suddenly, I had a full-blown jungle in my living room. I swear, my apartment looked like a Tarzan movie, minus the loincloth. I became a plant whisperer, talking to them like they were my therapists. "Listen, Philodendron, I need you to absorb my stress, okay?" And let's talk about the Zoom calls. At the beginning of quarantine, we were all excited about virtual happy hours. But after a while, it felt like we were living in a never-ending episode of "Hollywood Squares." I didn't sign up to be the center square in the game of life.
I even tried virtual dating. You know it's bad when you're trying to impress someone through a pixelated screen. "Oh, you like my blurry charm and pixel-perfect personality? Great, because in person, I'm basically a potato."
Quarantine also turned us into gourmet chefs. I went from burning water to creating elaborate dishes with ingredients I couldn't pronounce. By the end of it, I felt like a contestant on "Chopped." "Your mystery ingredients are ramen noodles, ketchup, and a can of chickpeas. Good luck!
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You know, they say hindsight is 20/20, but after living through the year 2020, I'm starting to think that maybe it's just a fancy term for a year that should have gone to therapy. I mean, seriously, 2020, what were you thinking? I thought I had 2020 vision, but it turns out it was more like "2020, can't believe what I'm seeing!" I haven't been that shocked since someone told me pineapple belongs on pizza. I mean, who decided to make a year where the entire world collectively went, "Nah, I'm good, I'll pass on this one"?
And don't get me started on those murder hornets. Like, we're dealing with a global pandemic, and Mother Nature decides to spice things up with murder hornets? I was just trying to survive the toilet paper shortage, and suddenly, I need to worry about flying insects with a killer instinct.
2020, you were like the friend who insists on playing Monopoly even though everyone knows it's a friendship-ruining game. "Oh, you landed on Boardwalk with hotels? Tough luck, buddy!"
I'll tell you what, though - if 2020 was a person, they'd be that friend we're all avoiding at the New Year's Eve party. "Hey, 2020, didn't see you there. Yeah, I'm gonna mingle over by 2021. They seem a bit more promising.
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Masks became a fashion statement in 2020. It's like the world collectively decided, "Let's turn a necessity into a runway show." I've seen more mask coordination than a synchronized swimming competition. People matching their masks to their outfits, accessorizing like they're heading to a masked ball. And don't even get me started on the foggy glasses situation. I felt like I was walking around in a perpetual steam room. I'd lift my mask, and suddenly I'm in a suspense thriller - will I walk into a wall or find the cereal aisle?
But the worst part was the mask tan lines. I looked like I was auditioning for a role as a raccoon. "Yeah, I've been practicing my foraging skills during the pandemic."
And then there were the mask debates. "To mask or not to mask" became the Shakespearean question of our time. I never thought I'd see the day when wearing a piece of cloth would become a political statement. "Oh, you're wearing a mask? You must be a liberal arts major. I'm a conservative, I breathe freely!
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Working from home became the norm in 2020, and suddenly, my living room transformed into my office. I thought it would be great - working in my pajamas, no commute. But it turns out, my cat had different plans. She became my co-worker, and let me tell you, she's not great at Zoom etiquette. There I am, trying to have a serious meeting, and she decides it's the perfect time to chase her tail. "No, Mr. Johnson, I'm not laughing at your budget proposal; my cat just did a triple somersault."
And can we talk about virtual backgrounds? I tried to impress my boss with a fancy office background, but the green screen had other ideas. Suddenly, I'm in the middle of a meeting, and my boss thinks I work from the Eiffel Tower. "Oh, oui oui, the quarterly reports are magnifique!
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