16 Jokes For 007

Puns

Updated on: Aug 07 2025

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Why did James Bond become a teacher? He wanted to school the competition.
What do you call James Bond in a hot tub? Bubble '07'.
Why was James Bond always calm during card games? Because he had a license to chill.
Why did James Bond refuse to play hide and seek? Because good spies are always found.
Why did James Bond go to the beach? He wanted to catch some '007' rays.
Why did James Bond open a bakery? He wanted to make '007' layer cakes.

License to Thrill

You know, they say James Bond has a license to kill, but I recently found out he also has a license to thrill. I tried getting one, but all I got was a library card and a disappointed librarian.

James Bond's Grocery List

I saw James Bond at the grocery store the other day. He was in the produce section, picking up some apples. I guess he likes his fruit shaken, not stirred.

007 Fitness Routine

I tried following James Bond's fitness routine, but it turns out my body is more suited for the sit on the couch and watch Bond movies workout plan.

007 Fashion Tips

I tried dressing like James Bond, but people just thought I was either going to a wedding or auditioning for a spy-themed magic show. Turns out, the tuxedo doesn't make the man.

Spy Social Media

I heard James Bond is finally joining social media. His Instagram bio just says, Licensed to post pictures of my dinner and cats... and also save the world occasionally.

James Bond and Technology

James Bond and technology don't always mix. I heard in the next movie, he tries to defuse a bomb, but accidentally sets it to snooze for 10 minutes.

Spy Dating Advice

I asked James Bond for dating advice, and he told me to always be mysterious. So, now I just show up late to dates and pretend I have a secret mission. It's not working.

007 Math Problems

I was never good at math, but I think I finally figured out the formula for James Bond movies. It's like, if you take 007, add a villain with a weird accent, subtract a few gadgets, and multiply it by the number of times Bond introduces himself... you get box office gold.

Spy Cuisine

I tried cooking like James Bond, but apparently, shaken, not stirred only applies to martinis, not scrambled eggs. Now I have a kitchen mess that even MI6 couldn't clean up.

007 and Home Improvement

James Bond is great at saving the world, but have you seen him try to assemble IKEA furniture? He spends more time looking at the instructions than diffusing a nuclear bomb.

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