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The Prison Librarian's Lament
Encouraging inmates to read while dealing with unconventional book requests
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It's a challenge to keep the library diverse. I had a guy request a book on escaping from an island. I handed him the novel "Robinson Crusoe." He said, "This isn't what I had in mind." I replied, "Well, it's the closest you'll get to a deserted island in here.
The Prison Chef's Predicament
Creating culinary masterpieces with limited ingredients
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The challenge is keeping the menu exciting. I asked an inmate what he wanted for dinner. He said, "Surprise me." So, I served him the same thing we had for lunch. He said, "This is the same!" I said, "Exactly, it's a surprise every time.
The Prison Guard's Dilemma
Dealing with quirky inmates and their bizarre requests
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You know you've been a prison guard for too long when you start grading escape plans. I saw one guy drawing a map and asked, "What's this?" He said, "It's the way out." I gave it a C- and said, "Too predictable, add a twist ending next time.
The Prison Janitor's Trials
Keeping the prison clean despite unusual messes
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Ever tried explaining the concept of a mop to someone who thinks it's a new dance move? One guy said, "Why mop when we can shuffle?" I said, "Because cleanliness is next to... well, it's right up there with not getting additional charges for 'dance riots.'
The Prison Therapist's Challenge
Helping inmates find inner peace while dealing with their unconventional problems
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Trying to teach mindfulness to inmates is like trying to teach a cat to do calculus. One guy said, "I can't find my inner peace." I said, "You lost it somewhere between the contraband chess game and the midnight choir practice. Check the laundry room; inner peace loves hanging out there.
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