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Let's talk about Wi-Fi for a moment. We live in an age where we expect Wi-Fi to be everywhere, like some omnipotent force connecting us to the universe. But the wisdom of Wi-Fi is a fickle thing. You ever notice how your Wi-Fi signal is strong in some parts of the house and nonexistent in others? It's like the Wi-Fi gods are playing hide and seek with you. "Oh, you want internet in the bedroom? Too bad, try the kitchen."
And what's the deal with those password-protected networks? As if the secret to life's mysteries is hidden behind a string of random characters. "Sorry, you can't know the meaning of existence unless you know the Wi-Fi password."
I tried explaining to my grandparents that the Wi-Fi is not the same as a radio signal. You can't just tune it in and expect it to work. But bless their hearts; they're still trying to find the Wi-Fi station on their rotary phone.
So, here's to the wisdom of Wi-Fi – may your signals be strong and your passwords be easy to remember, unlike my neighbor's, who apparently studied cryptology at Hogwarts.
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Have you ever noticed that the real test of wisdom is in a parking lot? I mean, navigating a parking lot is like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded while riding a unicycle. You need the wisdom of a Zen master to find a spot. And don't get me started on those people who take up two parking spaces. What kind of wisdom is that? "I believe in personal space for my car. It needs its own bubble." You know what they say, "With great parking comes great responsibility."
I once saw a car with a bumper sticker that said, "I park like a pro." Well, congratulations, pro-parker, you just made it to the top of my "People I'd Like to Teach Parallel Parking" list.
Parking lots should come with their own set of commandments. "Thou shalt not steal someone's spot," and "Honk only in times of great peril." Because if you can navigate a parking lot without losing your cool, you truly possess the wisdom of a parking sage.
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You know, they call them wisdom teeth. Wisdom teeth! Like they're supposed to make you wise. Well, let me tell you about my experience with wisdom teeth. First of all, they didn't make me any wiser; they just made me look like a chipmunk who found a stash of acorns. I went to the dentist, and they told me I needed my wisdom teeth removed. And I thought, "Great, maybe after this, I'll be the next Einstein." Spoiler alert: I'm not. The only thing I gained was a profound appreciation for pudding and mashed potatoes.
But seriously, why do they call them wisdom teeth? It's not like they whisper ancient secrets to you. No, they just cause pain and inconvenience. If I wanted that, I could have just stuck with my in-laws during the holidays.
So, next time someone tells you about wisdom teeth, just remember that the only wisdom they impart is the wisdom to stock up on soft foods and painkillers.
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You know, they say the tooth fairy leaves money under your pillow when you lose a tooth. Well, what about when you lose a wisdom tooth? Does the tooth fairy leave you a 401(k) plan and a retirement fund? Because that would make losing a wisdom tooth a lot more bearable. I tried putting my wisdom tooth under the pillow, expecting a financial windfall. Instead, all I got was a note saying, "Congratulations on reaching adulthood. Now deal with taxes and back pain."
Maybe the tooth fairy needs to update her rates for wisdom teeth. I mean, these are not your average baby teeth. These are teeth that have been through the trenches of adulting. They deserve a little extra compensation.
So, if you're going to lose a wisdom tooth, make sure to negotiate with the tooth fairy beforehand. Maybe throw in a dental insurance plan while you're at it.
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