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You know, as a comedian, I've noticed something. Whenever someone says "white" these days, it's like a scene from a movie. You've got the pure white wall, the off-white shirt, the eggshell white, the winter white, and God forbid, the "my grandmother's curtains" white. And every time you think you've seen it all, BOOM! Someone introduces a new shade. Like, "Oh, you thought Arctic White was something? Meet Cloud White!" I mean, how many shades of white does one universe need? I feel like I'm in a paint store, not a comedy club.
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You know what's wild? Every time there's a snowstorm, everyone acts like it's the end of the world. "Stock up on milk and bread!" they say. As if those are the essentials for survival. Last time I checked, I can't build a fort out of bread or use milk to melt snow. But you know who loves snowstorms? Kids. It's their great white escape from school. Meanwhile, adults are stuck shoveling driveways, and kids are out there building white kingdoms. Life's not fair, folks!
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Have you ever noticed how we all have that one friend who claims they're on a "white diet"? You know, they only eat white foods? Cauliflower, rice, bread. It's like they're auditioning for a ghost role in Casper! And then they try to convince you it's healthy because it's "pure." Please! The only pure thing about that diet is the pure amount of lies they're feeding themselves. I tried it once. A week later, I was craving colors like a rainbow on vacation.
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You ever turn on a white noise machine to help you sleep? They say it's relaxing. But honestly, it's just a bunch of random sounds. Like, who decided that the sound of a distant waterfall mixed with a gentle breeze was the key to tranquility? I think the real white noise is when your grandma starts talking about her quilting club and you can't tune her out! Now that's a sound that'll put anyone to sleep. Forget the machine; just invite Grandma over.
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