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Laundry machines are like time travelers. You put your clothes in, and when they come out, they've shrunk. I'm not doing laundry; I'm participating in a science experiment on fabric elasticity.
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You ever notice how alarm clocks are like those overenthusiastic friends? They start shouting at you first thing in the morning, all excited, like, "Wake up, you've got a whole day ahead!" Meanwhile, I'm over here thinking, "Can we just start with a 'Good morning' instead of an audible heart attack?
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Pineapple on pizza – it's like the Marmite of the pizza world. People either love it or hate it. There's no middle ground. It's the only topping that can turn a casual dinner into a heated debate. Next time someone asks if you want pineapple on your pizza, it's like they're saying, "Are you ready for a culinary adventure or a lifelong feud?
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I was in the supermarket the other day, and I noticed they've got an entire aisle dedicated to water. I mean, water! How many options do we need? Sparkling, still, infused with unicorn tears... I just want a basic H2O, not a life-altering decision.
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Let's talk about TV remote controls. They're like secret agents. You drop them, and they disappear faster than my motivation on a Monday morning. I'm convinced there's a remote Bermuda Triangle in every living room.
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Have you ever noticed that escalators can never break? They just become stairs. Sorry for the convenience. But what if you're on the escalator during this transition? Suddenly, you're in an action movie, jumping onto moving stairs like an escalator ninja.
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Why do we call it a "shortcut" when taking an alternate route? There's nothing short about getting lost in a neighborhood you've never seen before. My GPS once took me through Narnia just to avoid a traffic jam.
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The invention of the snooze button is proof that we're all just negotiating with time every morning. "Okay, just ten more minutes, but I promise I'll get up and be productive." It's the only time when procrastination is an art form.
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Have you ever thought about how weird it is that we clap to show appreciation? Imagine if we did that in everyday conversations. "Hey, thanks for passing the salt." clap, clap, clap Suddenly, dinner conversations would feel like a standing ovation.
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