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Gyms are interesting places. It's the only place where people pay money to experience discomfort willingly. You walk in, and there's a turnover of fitness fads. One day it's CrossFit, the next it's hot yoga. I just want a workout that doesn't require me to contort my body into a pretzel or lift a car. And don't even get me started on fitness apps. They're like personal trainers on your phone, judging you for skipping a workout. "Are you sure you need that second cookie?" Yes, I do, and I'll think about it on my way to the fridge.
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And app updates, they're relentless. You wake up, and your favorite app has a makeover. It's like, "Congratulations, you now have a new learning curve." I feel like my phone is in a constant state of self-improvement, while I'm here contemplating whether to order pizza or cook. But the worst is when they introduce a new feature you didn't ask for. I just want my phone to be a phone, not a life coach. "Did you know you've been on Instagram for 3 hours today?" Yes, I know, and I blame you, Siri!
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I walked into the breakroom the other day, and it was like playing office bingo. "Oh, Karen from HR is leaving? BINGO! But wait, a new intern started? Double BINGO!" It's like they're trying to keep us on our toes, but all I want to do is keep my coffee warm without spilling it! And don't get me started on the awkward farewell parties. Everyone stands around the cake like we're at a vigil, trying not to make eye contact with the person leaving, but secretly wondering who's getting their corner office. It's like a game of musical chairs, but instead of losing a seat, you lose your stapler!
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And breakups, they're like a bad sequel. You know it's coming, but you're still disappointed when it happens. It's all, "Coming soon to a single life near you!" And the worst part? Trying to divide up your stuff. It's like a divorce court, but instead of alimony, you're arguing over who gets custody of the Netflix password. But hey, I've learned a valuable lesson – never date someone who thinks "commitment" is just a long word. Because let me tell you, when commitment is on the line, some people run faster than a cat when you try to bathe it.
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