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I bet Tony Hawk's coffee table at home is a skateboard. Imagine trying to put your feet up and accidentally doing a kickflip – "Honey, can you pass me the remote? And maybe a band-aid?
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Tony Hawk probably never has to parallel park. He just skates into the spot like, "Oh, was that a tight fit? I didn't even notice." Meanwhile, I'm sweating bullets trying to squeeze my car between two others.
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Tony Hawk must have the most incredible balance. I struggle to stand on one foot while putting on pants. Meanwhile, he's doing handstands on a moving piece of wood with wheels. I'm just trying not to trip over my own feet.
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You know you're a skateboarding legend when even your GPS can't keep up. "In 500 feet, turn left... or do a sick ollie, your choice." I tried that once, and let me tell you, Google Maps was not impressed.
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Have you ever noticed how Tony Hawk probably never has to worry about losing his keys? I mean, he could probably just kickflip into his house, grinding on the rail, and casually pick them up on the way in. Meanwhile, I'm still searching my couch cushions.
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Tony Hawk has probably never lost at the game of "the floor is lava." For him, it's more like, "the floor is a skate park, and I'm the king of it." Meanwhile, I'm hopping from one couch to another like my life depends on it.
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So, Tony Hawk is like the Michael Jordan of skateboarding, right? I tried to do a kickflip once, and I swear my skateboard looked at me like, "Are you sure about this?" It was a solid attempt at defying gravity, but gravity won that round.
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I tried playing Tony Hawk's video game once. Let's just say my virtual self spent more time face-planting than doing any cool tricks. I guess my thumbs never got the memo about being coordinated.
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Tony Hawk is so cool; even his mistakes look like awesome tricks. If I fall off a skateboard, it's a disaster. If he falls, it's a new move – the gravity-defying face plant. I should trademark that.
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