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You ever notice how therapists always have a notepad? I think it's just for show. They're probably doodling or making grocery lists while you're pouring your heart out.
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Therapists have this uncanny ability to make you question your entire existence. I walked in feeling fine, and by the end of the session, I was doubting whether I even know how to tie my shoelaces correctly.
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You ever try explaining to someone why you're seeing a therapist? "Well, you see, I pay someone to listen to me talk about my problems, and then I pay them again next week to hear more!" It's like a subscription service for your emotional baggage.
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Therapists always ask, "And how does that make you feel?" I'm waiting for the day I respond with, "Hungry. Can we wrap this up? I've got dinner reservations.
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You know, I went to a therapist the other day. Walked in, and the first thing she said was, "Tell me about your childhood." I thought, "Lady, we've just met! Let's at least have coffee first!
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I always wonder if therapists have their own therapists. Can you imagine? "How was your day?" "Oh, you know, listened to people's problems all day, then went home to analyze why I'm drawn to such a stressful profession.
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Ever notice how a therapist's office is the only place where you're encouraged to talk about yourself for an hour straight? Imagine trying that at a dinner party. "So, Bob, tell us more about your childhood traumas!
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Therapists must have an incredible poker face. Imagine hearing people's deepest, darkest secrets all day and not reacting. If I were a therapist, every session would end with me saying, "Wow, really? I did not see that coming!
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I tried online therapy once. It's a strange experience. There you are, sitting in your pajamas, pouring your soul out to a face on a screen, hoping your Wi-Fi doesn't decide to cut out during your emotional climax.
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