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Orphans have the best plot armor in stories. They can face dragons, evil stepmothers, and dark lords, but heaven forbid they face the real-life horror of standardized testing. Now, that's where the line is drawn!
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You know, I was thinking about how the word 'orphan' sounds like some fancy coffee blend you'd order at a pretentious café. "I'll have a double shot of the Orphan, please. Hold the sugar, but give me a side of existential dread.
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Why do we always romanticize the idea of the orphan finding their long-lost family? I mean, have you ever tried to organize a family reunion? It's like herding cats, except the cats have emotional baggage and unresolved childhood traumas.
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You know, they say orphans have a hard knock life, but have you ever tried assembling a bicycle on Christmas Eve? Suddenly, "It's a Hard Knock Life" becomes your theme song, and you're contemplating a career change to professional box-opening.
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I've always wondered, in orphanages, do they have a "Bring Your Parent to School Day?" Or is that just rubbing salt on the wound? "Hey Timmy, this is Mr. Jenkins, my role model.
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Why do we give orphans such a hard time in board games? Every time someone lands on "Go to Orphanage," it's like the equivalent of stepping on a Lego in the dark. Nobody wins.
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You ever notice how orphans in movies have this uncanny ability to build elaborate contraptions or solve mysteries? Meanwhile, I struggle to assemble IKEA furniture without accidentally summoning an ancient demon.
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I bet if orphans had a dollar for every time someone said, "It's okay, you're the chosen one," they could probably afford to buy their own fictional kingdom. Meanwhile, I can't even get chosen to be the line leader in kindergarten.
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You ever play the game of "Spot the Orphan" in movies? It's like Where's Waldo, but instead of a red-striped shirt, you're looking for a kid with no parental guidance or a sad backstory. Spoiler alert: they're usually the ones with the most character development.
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