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Tattoos are like QR codes for humans. Instead of scanning them with a phone, you just stare awkwardly at someone's arm, trying to decipher the story behind their ink. "Ah, yes, a cactus and a donut. Clearly, a tale of survival in a dessert filled with pastries.
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Have you ever noticed that getting a tattoo is the only situation where you willingly pay someone to cause you pain? "Here's $200. Please hurt me for the next two hours. And make it look cool.
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Tattoos are a commitment. I can barely commit to a phone contract, and now you're telling me I should ink my ex's name on my arm? I can't even commit to finishing a tube of toothpaste without buying a new one.
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Tattoos are like the modern version of cave paintings. Thousands of years ago, our ancestors were etching stories on walls, and now we're just adding emojis to our skin. It's like, "Look, I got a pizza slice right here, just in case anyone forgets my favorite food.
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You ever notice how getting a tattoo is like ordering food at a restaurant? You spend hours deciding on the perfect design, nervously hoping you won't regret it later, and then you have to sit through the painful process while the artist works on your "permanent order.
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Getting a tattoo is like playing a game of "Guess What I Was Thinking." You might think it's a dragon, but your grandma insists it's a cute little lizard. Either way, it's an unexpected family reunion conversation starter.
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Getting a tattoo is the only time it's socially acceptable for someone to repeatedly stab you with ink. Imagine if that happened in other situations, like at the office. "Hey, Bob, could you pass me the stapler?" Stab, stab, stab "Sure, here you go.
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Tattoos are like magic spells. You choose an image, the artist waves their needle-wand, and voila, you've got a permanent enchantment on your skin. Although, I haven't figured out the spell for making my laundry fold itself yet.
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Tattoos are the only form of art that comes with a lifetime guarantee. "This masterpiece is non-refundable, folks. Whether you still love it in 10 years or not, it's staying right here on your forearm, reminding you of that impulsive decision.
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