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Have you ever borrowed a pen from Tammy? It's like grabbing a relic from an ancient civilization. You need a decoder ring just to figure out which end writes.
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Tammy's idea of a wild Friday night is binge-watching a documentary about the history of paperclips. Yeah, Tammy, because nothing says party like the evolution of office supplies.
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Tammy is the master of buying things she doesn't need. I asked her why she bought a second toaster, and she said, "Just in case the first one gets lonely." Who knew kitchen appliances had feelings?
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You know how Tammy always says, "I'll be there in five minutes"? Well, it's like a magical time warp because somehow, five minutes with Tammy feels more like an hour. I'm convinced she's got her own time zone.
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Tammy believes in the power of positive thinking. She once told me, "If you imagine you're on a tropical island, you'll feel warmer in the winter." I tried it - ended up shivering in my living room, but nice try, Tammy.
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Tammy's idea of a balanced diet is having a salad for lunch and then eating a whole pizza for dinner. Yeah, Tammy, because the lettuce cancels out the cheese and carbs, right?
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You ever notice how Tammy always has that one overly enthusiastic signature on her emails? It's like, "Best regards" would be fine, Tammy, no need to turn it into a Shakespearean sonnet.
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Tammy's definition of a well-organized desk is having a mountain of papers with one lonely paperclip at the top. It's like the paperclip is the king of the paper hill.
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Tammy's GPS has more attitude than a teenager. It's always like, "In 500 feet, turn left. If you miss it, just keep going, I'm not your mom." Thanks, Tammy's GPS, I appreciate the sass.
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