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Have you ever tried to assemble IKEA furniture without losing your sanity? It's like solving a puzzle designed by someone who's never seen a puzzle before. And by the end of it, you've got three extra screws and a newfound appreciation for pre-assembled furniture.
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You ever notice how your pet seems to have a sixth sense for when you're trying to take a nap? It's like they've got a built-in alarm that goes off the moment you close your eyes. "Oh, you're resting? Time to play or bark at imaginary squirrels!
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Why is it that the shampoo bottle gives you instructions like "Lather, rinse, repeat" as if the repetition is some kind of life hack? Like, how long do they think I'm going to be in there, getting ready for a shampoo marathon?
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You ever walk into a room and forget why you went in there? I swear, my brain treats my room like a nightclub. I walk in, forget why I'm there, and leave without accomplishing anything. And no, it's not because of the drinks.
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Why is it that when you're in a hurry, every traffic light suddenly decides to play its version of "Name That Tune"? "Oh, you're late for work? Let's see if you can guess which light is going to take the longest to turn green!
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You ever notice how when you're trying to quietly open a bag of chips during a meeting, it sounds like you're wrestling a mountain lion? "Oh, excuse me, everyone. I'm just trying to enjoy my mid-meeting snack here without causing a national emergency.
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You ever notice that the elevator's "close door" button is like a placebo for impatience? You press it multiple times, but it's just there to make you feel better about your lack of patience. I swear it's powered by hope and not electricity.
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I've realized that my phone's autocorrect is like that friend who tries to complete your sentences but gets it all wrong. "No, I didn't mean 'ducking'! Who even says 'ducking'?
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I've come to the conclusion that the most intense workout at the gym is trying to find a parking spot. You're circling like a shark, waiting for someone to vacate, and by the time you find one, you've burned more calories than in your actual workout.
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