bestTrending Topics
Joke Types
0
0
You know, the other day, I read about the spotted owl being endangered. I mean, seriously? Out of all the things we have to worry about in the world, we're putting the spotted owl on the endangered list. I didn't even know what a spotted owl looked like until I Googled it. Turns out, it's basically a bird with a really bad fashion sense – spots all over like it got dressed in the dark. I'm thinking, maybe they're just shy, these spotted owls. Maybe they don't want to be found. Maybe they're playing hide and seek with the scientists, and we're ruining their game by trying to save them. "Guys, we're endangered for a reason – we're trying to nap here!"
And have you seen the pictures of these scientists in the woods, looking for spotted owls? It's like they're on a bird-themed episode of "Where's Waldo?" I imagine them tiptoeing around, whispering, "I think I saw something! Is it a spotted owl or just a really freckled pigeon?"
Seems like a tough job, being a spotted owl conservationist. It's not like you can put up missing owl posters. "Have you seen this owl? If found, please contact the Audubon Society. Reward: a lifetime supply of mice.
0
0
So, these spotted owls are apparently a big deal, and I'm thinking, maybe they're just misunderstood. Maybe they're not endangered – maybe they're just too cool for the other birds. I mean, spots are in, right? Maybe they're the fashionistas of the bird world. Imagine a spotted owl strutting through the forest, giving side-eye to all the other owls with their plain feathers. "Darling, have you ever heard of a little thing called pattern? Look it up."
And what about bird fashion designers? Are there little bird-sized runways in the trees, with bird models rocking the latest spotted owl couture? "This season, it's all about the spots, darling. Feathers are so last migration."
I can just picture a bird version of Vogue magazine – "Spotted Owl Monthly." Headline: "10 Ways to Spice Up Your Nest – Featuring the Spotted Owl's Guide to Interior Decorating.
0
0
I can't help but wonder how the spotted owl feels about all this attention. I mean, imagine being the center of a conservation effort. That's a lot of pressure for a bird. I can just picture the spotted owl lying on a tiny therapist's couch, pouring its feathered heart out. Therapist: "So, tell me, how does it make you feel to be on the endangered list?"
Spotted Owl: "Hoo-hoo, it's a lot, you know? I just wanted to fly around, be spotted, live my life. Now I'm like the poster child for owl stress."
Maybe they should have owl therapy sessions – group therapy for endangered species. "Hi, I'm a spotted owl, and I feel overwhelmed by all the human attention."
Other owls in unison: "Hi, spotted owl!
0
0
You know, I have a theory about this whole spotted owl thing. I think it's a conspiracy. I think the other birds are just jealous of the spotted owl's popularity. They're like, "Oh, look at Mr. Fancy Feathers with his spots. Who does he think he is, the Brad Pitt of the aviary world?" I bet there's a secret bird society plotting against the spotted owl. They're probably having secret meetings in the trees, wearing tiny bird-sized trench coats and fedoras. "Operation Feather Envy is a go."
And what about the non-spotted owls? They must be feeling the pressure. They're probably trying to fake spots with bird makeup – "I swear, it's natural! I've always had these spots!
Post a Comment