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Joke Types
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I told my friend a joke about construction. He didn't get it until I laid it on him.
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I asked the librarian if the library had a book on silence. She pointed to the quiet section.
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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
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I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, 'They're right behind you.
Specific Social Media Woes
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Social media is getting too specific. You ever get a friend request, and you're like, Wait, we met once at a party five years ago, and now you want to see my vacation photos and know my deepest secrets? Let's start with remembering my name, Karen.
Too Specific Technology
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Have you seen these futuristic gadgets? I got a smart fridge that's a bit too specific. It sends me messages like, Hey, you're out of almond milk. Also, I noticed you haven't called your mom in three days. What's up with that? I just wanted a cold drink, not a guilt trip.
Specific Parenting
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Parenting is so specific these days. My kid asked me, Where do babies come from? I tried to give a straightforward answer, and he said, No, Mom, I mean, which hospital, what time, and can we schedule it around my playdate next week?
The Specific Apocalypse Plan
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People are preparing for the apocalypse like it's a picnic. I saw this guy with a detailed plan: In case of zombies, head to the Winchester Pub, grab a pint, and wait for it all to blow over. I'm thinking, In case of apocalypse, my plan is to find a comfy blanket and binge-watch every show I've missed.
The Hyper-Specific Recipe
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Cooking has gotten out of hand. I found this recipe online that was like, To make the perfect sandwich, start by raising your own free-range chickens, grow your own heirloom tomatoes, and harvest wheat to make artisanal bread. I'm like, Nah, I'll just order takeout, thanks.
Dating with Specificity
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Dating nowadays is so specific. People have these crazy criteria. I want someone who's tall, dark, handsome, owns a pet turtle, can juggle, and has a collection of vintage spoons. I'm over here like, I just want someone who won't judge me for eating ice cream directly from the tub.
Job Search Specifics
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Job hunting is a nightmare. Every job posting is like, We're looking for someone with 10 years of experience, the agility of a ninja, the charisma of a talk show host, and the ability to survive on coffee alone. I'm over here like, I can survive on coffee, but my ninja skills are a bit rusty.
The Specific Struggle
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You ever notice how specific life gets? Like, my to-do list is so detailed now; it's like a NASA launch checklist. Step 1: Get out of bed. Step 2: Locate matching socks. Step 3: Avoid existential crisis. Step 4: Pretend you know what you're doing with your life.
Specific Gym Goals
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I joined a gym, and they gave me this questionnaire about my fitness goals. I'm thinking, Well, I'd like to lift my self-esteem, carry groceries in one trip, and not be out of breath after climbing a flight of stairs. But apparently, those weren't specific enough.
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