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What do you call a snake who works as a door-to-door salesman? A rep-tile!
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Why did the snake become a mathematician? Because it loved to solve problems... with itssss calculations!
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Snakes are the ultimate drama queens. They hiss, they coil, they even fake their own death with that whole shedding thing. I tried that once, but my boss didn't buy it when I left my work clothes in the breakroom.
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I heard snakes don't have eyelids. That's just rude. I can't imagine staring at the world 24/7 without the luxury of a good eye rub. No wonder they're always so cranky.
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I'm convinced that snakes are just tails with a really bad PR agent. 'Sure, I might look menacing, but have you seen how I slither away from commitment?'
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Snakes are the original identity thieves. They just shed their skin and walk out like, 'New year, new me.' Meanwhile, I can't even commit to changing my profile picture.
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You ever notice how snakes move? It's like they attended the School of Sneaky Dance Moves. If they had a theme song, it would be 'Smooth Criminal' by Michael Jackson.
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You know you're in trouble when someone says, 'Don't worry, it's just a harmless snake.' Harmless? Have you ever tried convincing your heart of that when it feels like it's playing hopscotch in your chest?
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I tried to befriend a snake once, but it wasn't interested. I guess my 'charm' isn't universal. It just looked at me and said, 'Sorry, I already have too many human friends on Facebook.'
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I don't trust snakes. They're the only creatures that can give you a hug and a heart attack at the same time. 'Oh, it's just a cuddly rope of death, no big deal.'
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Snakes are basically the comedians of the animal kingdom. They're just out there, doing standup with their slithering routine, making everyone laugh... or scream, depending on the audience.
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