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They say Smirnoff is great for mixing cocktails. Well, I tried mixing it with confidence once, and now I have a blurry photo on my phone that I don't remember taking. Thanks, liquid courage!
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I was at a party, and someone brought a bottle of Smirnoff Ice. I didn't know whether to drink it or challenge it to a game of truth or dare. It's like the beverage version of a teenage sleepover.
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I saw a commercial for Smirnoff that said, "Pure enjoyment." Pure enjoyment? More like pure confusion when you wake up the next day and find a receipt for glow sticks and a karaoke machine.
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Smirnoff is like a relationship. At first, it's all exciting and new, but by the end of the night, you're texting your friends, "Why did I think this was a good idea?
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Smirnoff is like a magician in a bottle. One moment you're pouring a drink, and the next, you're trying to figure out where your keys went. It's the Houdini of spirits.
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You ever notice how buying Smirnoff is like choosing a college major? You stand there in the liquor store aisle, staring at all the options, and you're like, "Well, I guess I'll go with the one that won't leave me with regrets tomorrow morning.
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You ever notice how Smirnoff is like a bad ex? You swear you're done with it, but then a few weeks later, you find yourself at the store, thinking, "Maybe this time will be different.
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I overheard someone say, "I only drink Smirnoff because it's gluten-free." Really? Because last time I checked, my hangover didn't seem to care about gluten. It's more like a universal language for regret.
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Smirnoff is like that friend who always shows up uninvited to the party. You open the fridge, and there it is, staring back at you like, "Surprise! I'm here to make your night interesting, whether you like it or not.
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