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Hey, everybody! So, the other day, I got a note from my ghost writer. You know, the person who helps me come up with these jokes. And all it said was "smiley face." Now, I'm thinking, is this some kind of secret code? Are they trying to tell me something profound, or did they just discover emojis? I mean, I appreciate the positivity, but I was expecting a bit more guidance. Maybe they're just really happy with their job, or they've discovered the secret to eternal happiness, and it's just a smiley face. I tried using it in real life. I went to the bank, handed the teller a withdrawal slip, and just drew a smiley face on it. She was not amused. Apparently, smiley faces are not an acceptable form of currency. Who knew?
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I was thinking about emoticons the other day. You know, those little symbols we use to express our emotions through text? My ghost writer sent me a smiley face, and I thought, "Ah, simplicity!" But then I started wondering, why do we need symbols to tell people how we feel? I mean, isn't that what words are for? Imagine if we did this in real life. You're having a conversation with someone, and instead of laughing, you just hold up a sign with "LOL" written on it. Or when you're sad, you pull out a tiny drawing of a crying face and show it to your friends. It's like emotional charades, and I'm not sure I'm ready for that level of communication. Maybe we should just stick to good old-fashioned words, or at least upgrade to holographic emoticons for that extra dramatic effect.
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Have you ever noticed how a simple smiley face can cause so much confusion? I mean, there are different kinds of smiley faces, right? There's the classic colon-parenthesis, the slightly tilted one, and let's not forget the winky face, which just adds a whole new level of mystery to any conversation. Now, I'm wondering, is there a smiley face etiquette that I'm not aware of? Like, if I get a colon-parenthesis, am I obligated to respond with another one? Is it a smiley face tennis match? And what's the appropriate response to a winky face? Do I wink back? Is this how people in the emoji world flirt? It's like entering a smiley face minefield. You never know when you're going to step on an awkward winky face and blow up the conversation.
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I've been thinking about emojis a lot lately, and I'm starting to believe there's a conspiracy. I mean, who decided that a yellow circle with two dots and a curve can represent every human emotion? I want to meet the emoji committee and ask them what kind of mood they were in when they created the "poop" emoji. Were they having a bad day at the office and thought, "You know what this world needs? A smiling pile of poop." And don't even get me started on the eggplant emoji. I'm pretty sure there's a secret meaning there that I'm not aware of. Is it just a vegetable, or is it the symbol of a secret society? Maybe it's the secret code for the Illuminati, and we've all been unwittingly using it in our texts. Keep an eye out for the eggplants, people. They might be watching us.
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