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Have you ever tried assembling furniture from one of those big-box stores? It's like a puzzle designed by a mad scientist. I'm staring at the instructions, feeling like Simple Simon trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Maybe I'll just call it modern art and leave it unassembled.
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Do you ever get trapped in the endless scroll on social media? One minute you're checking the time, and the next, you're knee-deep in cat videos and conspiracy theories. Simple Simon had a better chance avoiding pie than I have avoiding the social media rabbit hole.
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The thermostat at home is like the control panel for world peace. Everyone in the house has a different idea of the perfect temperature. I feel like Simple Simon, trying to negotiate a global climate agreement in my living room. Can we all just agree on one setting?
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You know you're an adult when the highlight of your day is finding a parking spot right in front of the store. I feel like Simple Simon, celebrating my triumph in the great parking lot adventure. Forget winning the lottery; I just hit the jackpot in the space next to the handicapped spot.
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Have you ever tried to fold a fitted sheet? It's like wrestling an octopus. You start with good intentions, but by the end, you're just hoping it vaguely resembles something that belongs on a bed. Simple Simon wouldn't have lasted a minute in the fitted sheet showdown.
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Parenting is the only job where being a detective, chef, and mediator are all part of the description. I feel like Simple Simon, juggling multiple roles, trying to solve the mystery of why my toddler won't eat anything green. Can we just have a normal mealtime without turning it into a Shakespearean drama?
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You ever notice how ordering coffee has turned into this elaborate ritual? It's like we're all members of some secret society, and the barista is the gatekeeper. "I'll have a simple latte, please." And then the barista turns into a wizard, chanting spells like "venti, non-fat, extra-hot." I'm just standing there feeling like Simple Simon in a coffee shop.
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Online dating is like a job interview, but instead of discussing qualifications, you're analyzing someone's profile picture and bio. It's a digital game of "Guess Who?" I half expect someone to pop up and ask, "Is your date wearing glasses?" I feel like Simple Simon, swiping through a modern-day love puzzle.
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Why is grocery shopping such an emotional rollercoaster? You start in the produce section feeling all healthy, like you're nailing this adulting thing. But by the time you reach the snack aisle, you're throwing bags of chips into your cart like Simple Simon on a junk food bender.
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