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You ever notice how the term "simp" has become the 21st-century scarlet letter? I held a door open for someone the other day, and suddenly I was labeled a "simp." I thought, "Well, excuse me for trying to prevent a broken nose with a courtesy gesture!
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I got called a simp because I bought flowers for my girlfriend. I mean, I thought it was a romantic gesture, but apparently, I accidentally enrolled in Simp University. Next time, I'll just bring her a cactus and tell her it's low-maintenance like our relationship.
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The term "simp" has become so overused that even holding the elevator for someone can get you labeled. I pressed the 'door open' button, and someone scoffed, "Way to simp for strangers." I thought, "Well, at least I'm not a door-slamming villain.
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The other day, I was helping my friend move, and he turns to me and says, "Thanks, man. You're a real simp for doing this." I'm like, "Dude, it's called being a good friend. If that makes me a simp, then call me the Simp-le Terminator.
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I got called a simp for helping an elderly neighbor carry groceries. I didn't realize being a decent human being came with a side of mockery. If being compassionate makes me a simp, then sign me up for the Simp Olympics. I'll take home the gold in kindness.
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I was at the grocery store, and the cashier gave me extra change. I handed it back, and the person behind me muttered, "What a simp." I didn't realize returning money made me a hopeless romantic. I just thought I was being fiscally responsible.
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Being a simp has reached new heights. I complimented someone's shoes, and suddenly I'm on trial for excessive flattery. I guess we've entered the era where appreciation is a crime, and compliments are the misdemeanor.
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The other day, my friend told me, "You're such a simp for your dog." I mean, guilty as charged! But come on, when your dog gives you those eyes, you can't help but shower them with love. If that makes me a simp, then consider me the proud owner of a fur-ever friend.
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You know you're in the age of online dating when holding open a virtual door gets you accused of simping. I sent a polite emoji, and suddenly I'm the Romeo of the internet. I guess chivalry isn't dead; it just upgraded to Wi-Fi.
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