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You ever notice how senior citizens have their own newsletter? I mean, what could possibly be in there? "Breaking News: Mildred's Cat Caught the Mouse That's Been Lurking Since '98!" I imagine it's filled with thrilling articles like "How to Master the Art of Napping in 5 Easy Steps." And don't even get me started on the crossword puzzles. The clues are so outdated; I'm convinced they were written during the Middle Ages. "Four-letter word for 'communication' starting with 'p' – anyone? Oh, just pass me my carrier pigeon!
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You know, seniors are embracing social media now. It's adorable. They're on Facebook posting pictures of their grandkids with captions like, "Billy lost his first tooth today – the tooth fairy is bankrupting me!" And then there's Uncle Joe, who thinks every post is a private message. He's commenting on family pictures like, "Nice sweater, Martha. By the way, how's your gallbladder?" It's like they're having a virtual family reunion every day, and they're the only ones invited.
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Have you heard about these senior fitness classes? They're fantastic. They're not your typical boot camp, though; it's more like a slow-motion interpretive dance. I walked past one the other day, and they were doing Tai Chi – or as I like to call it, "Trying to Swat Away Invisible Mosquitoes." And the instructor's all serious, saying, "Feel the energy flow through you." Meanwhile, Ethel in the back is just trying not to fall asleep mid-lunge. It's a workout for the body and a test of how long you can stay awake.
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Let's talk about senior discounts. Now, don't get me wrong, I think it's great that they get a break. But sometimes it feels like they're playing a game of "How Many Discounts Can I Get Before the Cashier Rolls Their Eyes?" They'll whip out the AARP card, the senior citizen ID, and if they have a coupon, it's like they hit the jackpot. I was in line behind a senior once, and by the time they were done, the cashier owed them money. I'm thinking, "Hey, can I get a young person discount for having to wait?
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