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You know how some people have a green thumb for gardening? Well, Seamus has a brown thumb. Every plant he touches starts reconsidering its life choices. I suggested he try talking to them, but they're probably terrified.
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Seamus is the only guy I know who sets an alarm for a power nap. I'm over here struggling to get up in the morning, and he's scheduling siestas like it's a corporate meeting. "Sorry, can't chat, it's nap time. Be back in 20.
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Seamus insists on using a flip phone in 2024. I asked him why, and he said, "It's retro." Dude, it's not retro; it's a relic. I half expect him to pull out a carrier pigeon for important messages.
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I was at Seamus' house the other day, and he asked me to grab something from the kitchen. I opened the fridge, and there were more expired condiments in there than regrets in my twenties. I didn't know whether to make a sandwich or a time machine.
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Seamus loves giving directions but can't distinguish left from right. "Just take a turn where the big tree used to be" is not a reliable GPS instruction. Thanks, Seamus, I'll be wandering in the forest of nostalgia.
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Seamus and technology are like oil and water. He once asked me to help him set up his smart TV. It took us an hour, and he still calls it "the magic moving picture box." I swear, he thinks Netflix is a Harry Potter spell.
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Seamus insists on calling emojis "emoticons." I sent him a 😂, and he said, "Nice emoticon, bro." Dude, it's 2024; we're beyond emoticons. I'm expecting him to send me a carrier pigeon with a smiley face any day now.
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You ever notice how whenever you type "Seamus" into your phone, autocorrect is like, "Oh, you meant 'shameless'?" I'm just trying to text my buddy, not confess my life choices!
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Have you ever borrowed Seamus' headphones? It's like a journey to the center of his earwax. I found Narnia in there once. I asked him if he was auditioning for the role of a museum exhibit.
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