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You ever try talking underwater with those hand signals they teach you in scuba diving? It's like a bizarre game of charades. I'm down there, pointing at my oxygen tank, making weird hand gestures, and the fish are probably thinking, "Is this guy trying to communicate or summoning a sea creature flash mob?
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The first time I went scuba diving, I realized that fish have the ultimate poker faces. I'm trying to strike up a conversation, and they're just swimming by with this blank expression, like they've mastered the art of not giving away any underwater gossip.
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Scuba diving is the only activity where you pay a bunch of money to put on what essentially looks like a superhero costume and then struggle to walk on land like a penguin. I swear, if Batman ever decided to fight crime underwater, he'd have to take some serious swimming lessons.
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You know, I recently tried scuba diving for the first time. It's like the underwater world is this secret society, and I'm the awkward neighbor who accidentally stumbled upon their party. I'm down there in my wetsuit, and the fish are just giving me this side-eye like, "Who invited this guy?
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You ever notice how underwater, everything moves in slow motion? I thought I was in a James Bond movie until I realized I was just struggling against the current, trying to look cool while doing the aquatic version of the moonwalk.
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Scuba diving is the only sport where it's socially acceptable to high-five a stingray. I mean, you wouldn't do that on land, right? "Hey, nice to meet you, Bob. High five!" Next thing you know, you're in the ER explaining how you got a handshake from a horseshoe crab.
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Scuba diving instructors are like the underwater drill sergeants. They're pointing at things, giving you thumbs up or down, and you're just hoping they don't mistake your panicked face for a signal to release the emergency inflatable shark decoy.
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Scuba diving is the only time I've willingly put my life in the hands of a rubber suit and a tank of air. It's like, "Hey, let me strap this heavy equipment on my back and trust that science won't let me turn into a human fish stick.
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You know you've become a seasoned scuba diver when you can identify fish by their scientific names. I'm down there like a marine biologist, pointing at a fish and proudly declaring, "Ah, yes, the Blenniidae. Or as I like to call it, the little dude with a mustache swimming by.
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