16 Jokes For Rolling Stone

Puns

Updated on: Nov 16 2024

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I told my friend I could balance a rock on my head. He said, 'That's just un-boulder-able!
I asked a rock for relationship advice. It told me, 'Just stay grounded and don't take things for granite.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? Skipping stone!
What do you call a rock that plays the guitar? A rolling stone!
Why don't rocks ever get mad? Because they have great sedimental value!
I tried to write a joke on a rock, but it was too hard to crack!

Rolling Stone Concert Wisdom

Went to a Rolling Stones concert expecting life-changing advice. The only thing I learned is that Mick Jagger can move better at 78 than I can at 28. I'm over here trying to dance, and my knees are like, Slow down, grandpa!

Rolling Stone's Weather Forecast

I heard Rolling Stone is launching a weather section. Can you imagine Mick Jagger as a weatherman? Today's forecast: a chance of satisfaction, with a high probability of emotional turbulence. Don't forget your emotional umbrellas, folks!

Rolling Stone Subscriptions

I recently subscribed to Rolling Stone, thinking it would make me cooler. Now, not only am I broke from the subscription fee, but I also use the magazine as a coaster for my instant ramen. That's one expensive noodle supporter!

Rolling Stone's Guide to Life

You ever notice how life is like a Rolling Stone magazine? You never know where it's gonna take you, but you're guaranteed to pick up a few scratches along the way. I mean, their advice on relationships is probably written by a rock, and not the romantic kind!

Rolling Stone's Financial Wisdom

I read in Rolling Stone that money can't buy happiness. Well, Rolling Stone, I beg to differ. Have you ever seen someone frown on a yacht? Me neither. Money might not buy happiness, but it sure can rent a yacht, and that's pretty darn close.

Rolling Stone's Relationship Advice

Rolling Stone has relationship advice columns now. Because nothing says healthy relationship like taking advice from a magazine that's been in and out of relationships with genres for decades. I can already see it: How to make your relationship as timeless as classic rock – Step 1: Don't break up, just go on a farewell tour every decade.

Rolling Stone and My Laundry

I tried using a Rolling Stone magazine as a laundry weight to keep my clothes from flying around in the dryer. Turns out, Mick Jagger's face doesn't have the same gravitational pull as I thought. My laundry's still doing the electric boogie.

Rolling Stone's Diet Tips

I saw this article in Rolling Stone about the perfect diet. It said, Eat like a rockstar! So now, my diet consists of questionable decisions, regret, and a surprising amount of glitter. Turns out, glitter isn't a food group. Who knew?

Rolling Stone's Workout Routine

Tried the Rolling Stone workout routine – it said, Rock and Roll your way to fitness! Now I'm not only out of breath, but I also have a guitar-shaped bruise on my forehead. Apparently, rocking out is harder than it looks.

Rolling Stone and Time Travel

If I could time travel, I'd go back to when Rolling Stone was just starting. Imagine telling them, You're gonna be advising people on how to live their lives. They'd probably think I'm crazier than a rock band trying to hold a steady job!

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