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Have you noticed how the most reliable Wi-Fi is always in the weirdest spots? I have to stand on one leg, facing east, just to get a good signal. It's like I'm performing a ritual to summon the internet gods.
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Dating apps claim to match you with reliable partners. I guess by "reliable," they mean someone who reliably forgets to reply to your messages after a promising start. Thanks, algorithm.
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They say a dog is man's best friend because they're loyal and reliable. Well, if my friends barked at the door when someone rang the bell and licked my face to wake me up, maybe they'd be my best friends too.
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The weather forecast always brags about being reliable, but it's the only job where you can be wrong 50% of the time and still keep your position. "Oh, it might rain, or it might not. I'm 50/50, but trust me.
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Why do they call it a "reliable source"? Like, do other sources just randomly make things up? I want my news to be as reliable as my grandma's apple pie recipe – no fake ingredients allowed.
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I love how they describe cars as reliable. It's like they're saying, "This car won't bail on you when you need it the most." I wish my friends were as reliable as my Honda. Imagine if your friend came with a warranty, like "100,000 miles or five years, whichever comes first.
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You know your relationship is reliable when you can finish each other's sentences, and it's not just because you're both yelling at the GPS for taking the wrong turn. "Recalculating – just like our arguments!
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My alarm clock claims to be reliable, but every morning it feels like we're negotiating. "Come on, you promised to wake me up! Don't make me start the day late and grumpy. We had a deal!
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I bought a notebook labeled "reliable" once. It was so reliable that it never judged me for doodling instead of taking notes. If only it could also write the notes for me.
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