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I swear, women treat their purses like a survival kit. It's not just a bag; it's a mobile command center for any possible scenario. If there's ever a zombie apocalypse, just follow the women with the biggest purses. They've got everything you need to survive. I asked my friend, "What's the most random thing in your purse?" She pulls out a mini sewing kit. A sewing kit! I don't even own a sewing kit in my entire apartment, and she's got one in her purse. Is she expecting her pants to spontaneously combust or something?
And don't get me started on the snacks. Ladies, is it necessary to carry an emergency granola bar and a pack of almonds everywhere you go? It's like they're ready for a hiker's expedition, not a casual dinner.
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I once dropped my phone in my girlfriend's purse. It was like it vanished into another dimension. I'm convinced there's a portal at the bottom of every woman's purse that leads to Narnia or something. I reached in, and it was like trying to find a needle in a haystack, only the haystack was made of crumpled receipts and lip gloss. And what's with the loose change? It's like a coin collection in there. You reach in for your keys, and you come out with a handful of quarters, dimes, and a token from an arcade they visited in 2007. I'm expecting her to pull out doubloons and pirate treasure at this point.
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You ever notice how a woman's purse is like a black hole of the unknown? I mean, I've seen magicians pull rabbits out of hats, but my girlfriend can pull an entire pharmacy, a kitchen sink, and maybe even a small car out of her purse. It's like Mary Poppins meets MacGyver in there. I asked her once, "What's in your purse?" She looked at me with that mischievous smile and said, "Oh, just the essentials." Essentials? Last time I checked, a family of squirrels and a spare tire aren't exactly essentials for a night out.
I tried digging through it once to find my car keys. Bad idea. I felt like I was on a quest, navigating through layers of tissues, receipts, and who knows what else. I finally gave up and just Ubered home.
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My girlfriend once told me she has a mental map of her purse. A mental map! I can't even find my way around a shopping mall, and she's navigating the labyrinth of her purse like it's second nature. I asked her how she does it. She said, "Oh, it's all about organization." Organization? To me, it looks like chaos in there. It's like trying to organize a tornado. There's no rhyme or reason; it's just a whirlwind of hair ties and loose change.
But hey, if she can find her keys in less than five minutes, she's a hero in my book. Forget Batman; give me a woman with a well-organized purse any day. She's the real superhero.
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