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You know, there's this thing called the "pull-out method." Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. It's like the Houdini of contraception. It's the only time a man thinks he has magical powers. Abracadabra, and voila – no baby! But let me tell you, it's like playing Russian Roulette with your future. I mean, we're talking about the ultimate game of trust here. Fellas, we're basically saying, "I trust myself to be quicker than my little soldiers." It's like we're in a race against our own biology, and let me tell you, sometimes we lose that race, and it's not a trophy you want to bring home.
And ladies, you're sitting there trying to time it right, like it's a game of Twister, but with consequences. "Left foot on Tuesday, right hand on Thursday, and hope for the best!" It's like trying to defuse a bomb with a manual written in hieroglyphics.
I just picture Mother Nature up there with a clipboard, watching us, shaking her head, and saying, "Really? That's your strategy? Good luck with that!
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Why isn't there a manual for the pull-out method? I mean, IKEA gives you instructions for a coffee table, but when it comes to avoiding unplanned parenthood, we're just expected to wing it? I imagine this manual would have illustrations and diagrams, maybe even a troubleshooting section. "If you experience unexpected leakage, please contact customer support immediately." But, let's be honest, no one reads the manual. We're all just flipping through it like it's the terms and conditions – scroll to the bottom and click "I agree."
And then there's that one friend who claims to have mastered the technique. "Oh, it's all about timing and precision." Dude, you're not defusing a bomb; you're trying to avoid creating one. There's a big difference.
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You ever feel like you're training for the Pull Out Olympics? Like, there should be a stadium somewhere with a bunch of guys in tracksuits, getting ready to compete in the ultimate event. We'd have judges holding up scorecards like, "Oh, a 9.5, he stuck the landing but lost a shoe!" And then there'd be that one guy who thinks he's the Michael Jordan of pulling out, doing it with style, maybe throwing in a spin move. But the truth is, we're all amateurs in this game. There's no gold medal for us, just a lifetime supply of diapers and sleepless nights.
I can see it now – the national anthem playing as we stand on the podium, accepting our medals shaped like pacifiers. "Oh, say can you see, by the early morning light, what so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming – a silent crib and a full night's sleep.
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I think we need a playlist for the pull-out method – you know, something to set the mood and help with the timing. Picture this: Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" playing in the background, and right when the beat drops, you make your move. It's like a synchronized dance, but with higher stakes. But let's be real, it's not always a smooth operation. Sometimes you're fumbling with your phone, trying to find the right song, and by the time you do, it's more like a comedy of errors than a romantic encounter.
We need a DJ in the delivery room, spinning the tunes and keeping the vibe right. "Alright, folks, it's time for the grand finale – the birth of a new playlist, and hopefully not a new life!
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