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You know, they always say, "You wouldn't know." Like, have you ever noticed that socks just disappear in the laundry? I mean, seriously, where do they go? You throw a pair in, and suddenly, one of them is on a secret mission to the sock dimension. I picture a sock Narnia where they all gather and discuss the adventures of the lost ones. I tried to ask my washing machine about it, but you know what it said? "You wouldn't know." I mean, come on! Even my appliances are keeping secrets from me. Maybe they're having a laundry party in there, who knows? All I'm saying is, my socks are living a more exciting life than I am. They're out there exploring the world, meeting other lost socks, and here I am, just trying to figure out how to pair them up again.
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I tried to keep up with the latest fashion trends recently. You know, because apparently, you wouldn't know if you're not dressed like you just walked off a runway. I went to a trendy store, picked out some clothes that looked like they belonged in a high-fashion magazine, and you know what my friend said when they saw me? "You wouldn't know." I mean, really? I thought I was nailing it, but apparently, I'm just a fashion disaster waiting to happen. I asked them for advice, and they're like, "It's a vibe, you wouldn't know." So now, I'm walking around trying to vibe with my clothes, hoping that at least someone out there appreciates my unintentional fashion statement. Maybe there's a secret fashion society judging us all, and they're shaking their heads, saying, "You wouldn't know how to dress if your life depended on it.
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Have you ever had to deal with tech support? It's like entering a parallel dimension where logic doesn't exist. I called them the other day because my internet was down, and the guy on the other end was like, "Have you tried turning it off and on again?" I'm like, "Buddy, I wouldn't be calling you if I hadn't already gone through the sacred ritual of the power cycle." And then, when they can't figure it out, they hit you with the classic line: "You wouldn't know; it's a technical thing." Oh, excuse me, Mr. IT Wizard, for not having a Ph.D. in binary code. I swear, they could be sitting there playing solitaire for all I know, telling me, "It's a complicated issue, you wouldn't know." Yeah, well, you wouldn't know customer service if it slapped you in the face!
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So, I decided to hit the gym recently, and let me tell you, that place is a whole different universe. People lifting weights that I didn't even know existed, doing exercises that look more like interpretive dance than fitness routines. I walk in, and the gym instructor gives me this look like, "You wouldn't know." I tried using some of the machines, but they come with more instructions than assembling IKEA furniture. I'm over there pulling levers, pushing buttons, and the only thing getting a workout is my confusion. I asked a gym buff for help, and you know what he said? "You wouldn't know." I'm starting to think it's their secret code for, "Let's mess with the new guy.
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