4 Jokes For Womb

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Jun 10 2024

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You ever stop to think about the great escape we all made from the womb? I mean, think about it, we're like little secret agents, plotting our escape from this cozy but cramped hideout. We come out like, "Surprise! I'm here!" And can we talk about the exit strategy? It's like the ultimate obstacle course. You got the cervix checkpoint, the uterus maze, and the grand finale, the birth canal waterslide! It's like a rollercoaster ride you didn't sign up for! And the first thing you hear when you emerge is, "Congratulations!" Like, thanks, but I'm a bit disoriented and covered in, well, womb-stuff. Can I get a map or something?
You know, folks, I was thinking about how crazy it is that we all start our lives in the same place – the womb. It's like our very first apartment, right? But man, that nine-month lease comes with some wild terms and conditions. First off, there's no security deposit, but you pay for it for years! And the neighbors? Oh, they're real close, like sardines in a can. You've got a roommate who's all elbows and knees, doing Riverdance 24/7. And let's not even get started on the food delivery service—everything just shows up whether you ordered it or not! I mean, cravings are real, but seriously, who ordered pickles with chocolate syrup at 3 a.m.? That's a combo I'm not signing up for again!
You ever think about how we all had this big reunion party after leaving the womb? It's like a high school reunion but with way fewer awkward photos. You've got the cool kids who emerged fashionably late, the overachievers who probably did a PhD in kicking, and then there's me, trying to figure out how to walk. And you can't forget the umbilical cord, the ultimate party favor – you get cut off from it, quite literally! But the best part? No more sharing space with a squirming roommate! I bet if we had t-shirts from the womb, mine would say, "Survived the womb and all I got was this messy hair and a lifetime of stories!
You know, I bet if we could remember our time in the womb, we'd have some crazy stories. I can imagine us all sitting around a campfire, sharing our womb tales. "Remember that time I did a triple somersault and kicked Mom's rib? Good times!" And there's always that one person who claims they had the luxury suite in there. "Oh, I had a chandelier and a personal masseuse!" But let's be real, folks, it's more like a cozy studio apartment, with a soundtrack of gurgles and muffled conversations. And don't get me started on the room service – I hear they're still serving the same menu, like it's stuck in a time loop. I mean, come on, it's been nine months, can we get a menu refresh?

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