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Dating is already complicated, but imagine trying to find love when you're a witch. I bet their Tinder profiles are like, "Enjoys long broom rides, casting spells, and turning pumpkins into carriages. Seeking someone who won't run away when my cat talks back." And what about the pickup lines? "Are you a witch? Because whenever I'm around you, time stands still." Smooth, right? Or how about, "Is your name Waldo? Because someone like you is hard to find, especially with an invisibility spell."
But seriously, spare a thought for witches on Valentine's Day. Flowers wilt, chocolates melt, but a well-crafted love potion? That's the real deal. No wonder they're always brewing something in those cauldrons.
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You know, the other day, I was browsing the internet, and I stumbled upon this thread where people were convinced their neighbor is a witch. I mean, come on, a witch in 2023? What's she doing, casting spells on the Wi-Fi? I can imagine the conversation: "My internet is so slow, it must be Susan next door. She's probably hexing my Netflix." I bet they're out there with pitchforks and smartphones, yelling, "Burn her at the stake or at least upgrade our data plan!"
I can just picture it now, a bunch of people storming into Starbucks like, "I demand to know who put a curse on the Pumpkin Spice Latte, Karen!" It's the 21st century, folks. If you want to accuse someone of witchcraft, at least make sure they're not just a tech-savvy grandma with a knack for herbal tea.
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I heard this story about a witch trying to raise her kid in a world full of muggles. I mean, can you imagine the PTA meetings? "My child has a pet dragon," she says. "Oh, that's cute. Little Timmy has a hamster." And let's talk about school projects. The teacher asks for a family tree, and little witchy Junior draws a tree with broomsticks and potion bottles. The teacher's like, "Um, we were thinking more along the lines of grandparents and cousins, but sure, magical lineage works too."
Parent-teacher conferences must be a blast. "Your child turned my kid into a frog." "Well, did your kid apologize for calling my child a Muggle? It's all about mutual respect, you know."
It's hard enough being a parent, but throw in a wand and a cauldron, and you've got a whole new level of parenting problems. Witches just need a manual: "Raising Magical Kids in a Muggle World: A Guide to Avoiding Accidental Transfigurations and Explaining Flying Brooms to the School Board.
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Have you noticed how we've replaced witches with doctors? I mean, think about it. Back in the day, if you had a wart, people would say, "Oh, you've been cursed by a witch!" Now it's like, "Oh, you've got a wart? You should see a dermatologist. They'll zap it with a laser. No magic necessary, just a hefty medical bill." I feel sorry for witches, though. They had such a bad rap. "Oh, she turned me into a newt!" Well, now you can go to the doctor, get some antibiotics, and you'll be back to your normal self. No need to blame poor Agnes, the neighborhood witch, for your amphibian transformation.
I can just imagine witches getting together for a support group. "Today, we have Mildred. She accidentally turned her neighbor's cat into a vacuum cleaner. Let's all give her a round of applause." It's tough being a witch in a world that's all about evidence-based hexes.
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