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Valentine's Day speeches are the only time people use the word "forever" more than when they're promising to read and accept the terms and conditions. "I love you forever. And by forever, I mean until the next iPhone comes out.
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Valentine's Day speeches are like romantic TED Talks. People stand up and start sharing their feelings as if the audience is about to rate them on a scale from 1 to 10. "Today, I'd like to discuss the emotional architecture of our relationship. Please hold your applause until the end.
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Valentine's Day speeches are a bit like a performance review for your relationship. "This year, our love exceeded expectations, although there was a slight dip in the third quarter due to excessive snoring.
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The pressure of Valentine's Day speeches is real. It's like a mini-Oscars for couples. "And the award for the most creative use of heart emojis in a text message goes to...
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Valentine's Day speeches are the only time you'll hear someone say, "I wasn't going to cry, but then I started talking about how much you mean to me, and now I need a tissue." It's like emotional stand-up comedy with more tears.
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Have you ever noticed that the longer the Valentine's Day speech, the more likely it is that someone messed up big time? "I love you because you complete me, and, oh yeah, I forgot to take out the trash for the past three weeks, but let's focus on the love part, okay?
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So, Valentine's Day speeches, huh? It's that one day when even the most eloquent people suddenly turn into Shakespeare or at least try to. "Roses are red, violets are blue, and if you don't like this poem, I've got chocolates too.
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I find it fascinating how Valentine's Day speeches always involve a trip down memory lane. "Remember that time we went to that romantic restaurant? Yeah, me neither. But it sounded good in the speech.
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I've noticed that Valentine's Day speeches always involve a lot of rhyming. It's like a poetry slam, but with more pressure. "Roses are red, violets are blue, this rhyme's not great, but my love for you is true.
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I've always wondered why Valentine's Day speeches feel like they were written by lawyers. It's like they're preparing a legal defense for why they deserve love. "Your Honor, exhibit A: the way I hold your hand during Netflix marathons. Exhibit B: my impeccable dishwashing skills.
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