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I recently tried online dating. They say love is just a click away, but I'm starting to think it's more like a maze with pop-up ads. I matched with someone who described themselves as "outdoorsy." I thought, "Great, we can go hiking!" Turns out, "outdoorsy" meant they liked to sit on the patio of a coffee shop. And then there's the awkward moment when you finally meet in person, and they look nothing like their pictures. I met someone who used a profile picture from a decade ago. I was expecting Brad Pitt; I got Gandalf the Grey.
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Let's talk about Valentine's Day gifts. It's a tricky business. You want to get something thoughtful, but not too thoughtful that it seems like you're planning your wedding. I once got a gift that was so thoughtful; I thought I was being audited. And don't get me started on those heart-shaped chocolates. Why do we equate love with heart-shaped things? Hearts are great, but they're also kind of lumpy and, if you think about it, not the most efficient organ. If love were really like a heart, we'd all be dead within minutes.
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You know, Valentine's Day is like that one friend who insists on giving you advice, but you end up regretting listening to them. My Valentine's Day was so romantic; I spent the evening with my true love - my Netflix account. We binge-watched a series together. Well, I watched, and Netflix just judged me silently. But seriously, Valentine's Day can be tough. It's like the universe is playing a prank on single people. You see couples walking around, holding hands, and you're just there, holding a pizza box. And you know what's worse? The heart-shaped pizza doesn't taste any better. It's just a regular pizza, but somehow heart-shaped.
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You ever notice how romantic movies set unrealistic standards for relationships? I watched this romantic movie where the guy learned her entire schedule and surprised her at the perfect moment. In real life, if you show up unannounced, you're more likely to get a restraining order than a romantic kiss. And those grand gestures? Let me tell you, I tried recreating one once. I stood outside my crush's window with a boombox over my head. Turns out, people don't appreciate John Cusack moments at 3 AM on a Tuesday.
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