4 Jokes For Uss

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Jul 21 2024

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I was watching a documentary about the USS, and it's like they're trying to keep everything a mystery. You never know what the initials stand for. Is it Unidentified Sailing Ship? Unbelievably Stealthy Submarine? It's like they're playing a game with us. And then, they expect us to trust them with these massive vessels. I want a guarantee that the USS I'm boarding isn't secretly the USS Rubber Duckie. "Captain, why is there a giant inflatable duck on the deck?
You know, I think the USS is the original social media. Hear me out. It's all about updates, right? "Just checked in at the USS Taco Bell for some intergalactic fuel." And then there are those cryptic messages: "Feeling adventurous on the USS Amazon jungle cruise." I bet if Christopher Columbus had a USS, his status would have been like, "Sailed the ocean blue, discovered a 'New World' – no big deal." And then he'd get a bunch of likes from the Queen. "Queen Isabella likes this.
I was reading the news the other day, and they were talking about a sighting of a USS. Now, for a moment, I thought they meant UFO. I mean, who wouldn't? They're both flying, they're both unidentified, and they're both acronyms that make you go, "Huh?" Imagine being an extraterrestrial, flying by Earth, and seeing a USS. They'd be like, "Oh look, another one of those flying saucers. Wait, why is it floating on water?
You ever notice how confusing the term "USS" can be? I mean, we've got USS Enterprise, USS Nimitz, USS Constitution – it's like the Navy started a secret society of ships, and the only rule is you have to have a cool acronym. I mean, what's next? USS LOL? USS BRB? I can just imagine the captain giving orders: "All hands on deck for the USS OMG, we've hit an iceberg emoji!

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