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Tyrone claims to have some incredible party tricks, and I was curious, so I invited him over for game night. I expected card tricks or maybe some impressive juggling. But no, Tyrone walks in, and his party trick is reciting ancient proverbs in Latin. I didn't even know Tyrone knew Latin! He starts spouting these phrases, and we're all just staring at him like, "Can you do a card trick or make a balloon animal, please?" Tyrone's like, "The ancients did not deal in trivialities." I'm thinking, "Well, they didn't have Monopoly either, Tyrone."
I told him next time we're playing Pictionary, and if he draws a Latin proverb, he's disqualified.
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Hey, everybody! So, I've got this friend named Tyrone. You know you've got that one friend who's like a mystery wrapped in an enigma? Well, Tyrone takes it to a whole new level. I called him the other day, and he answered the phone with, "Hello, this is Tyrone." No 'hey' or 'what's up'—just straight to the point. I felt like I was calling the secret agent hotline or something. And have you ever tried to make plans with Tyrone? It's like trying to decode a treasure map. You'll be like, "Hey, Tyrone, you wanna grab dinner this weekend?" And he'll respond with something like, "I'll be where the moon hides its secrets." What does that even mean? Are we meeting at an astronomy convention or planning a covert mission?
I tried to surprise Tyrone once by showing up at his place unannounced. Big mistake. I knocked on the door, and he opens it, looks at me, and deadpan says, "You've entered the realm of Tyrone uninvited." I didn't know whether to apologize or start reciting a Shakespearean monologue.
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Let me tell you about Tyrone's relationship with technology. It's like he's in a perpetual standoff with every gadget in existence. I asked him to send me a text once, and he looks at his phone like it's an ancient artifact. He's squinting at the screen, tapping it like he's casting a magic spell, and I'm just standing there wondering if carrier pigeons would have been faster. I convinced Tyrone to join social media, and he created an account. But instead of a profile picture, he uploaded a silhouette with the caption, "The shadows tell my story." Dude, we just want to see your face, not decode the Da Vinci Code.
And don't get me started on his voicemail. I called him, and his voicemail greeting was, "You've reached the cryptic voicemail of Tyrone. Leave your message, and the winds of fate will decide if I respond." I left a message, but to this day, I don't know if the winds of fate were on my side or not.
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So, Tyrone is trying his hand at dating. Good for him, right? Well, he goes on a date, and I ask him how it went. He says, "The stars aligned, and our energies harmonized." I'm like, "Did you kiss her?" He goes, "Our auras exchanged a cosmic kiss." I have no idea what that means, but it sounds like he needs a translator more than a date. He takes his dates to these unconventional places too. He invited a girl to a cemetery once, claiming it's a serene and reflective space. I'm thinking, "Dude, take her mini-golfing or something. Leave the cemetery for when you're ghost hunting with Scooby-Doo."
Tyrone, if you're listening, take some dating advice: dinner and a movie, not stargazing in a graveyard. Unless you're dating Morticia Addams, in which case, carry on.
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