4 Jokes About Themselves

Standup-Comedy Bits

Updated on: Jul 15 2024

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You ever notice how people change when they're alone? I mean, it's like there's this secret society that convenes the moment they're in front of a mirror. Suddenly, they're not just looking at themselves; they're having a full-on conversation with, well, themselves.
I walked in on my roommate the other day, and he was having the most intense debate with his reflection. I thought I stumbled into a philosophical seminar or something. He was like, "You need to get your life together!" And the mirror was like, "No, you need to get your life together!" It was like a presidential debate, but with one candidate. I was just waiting for him to turn to the imaginary audience and ask for applause.
I don't know what kind of self-help therapy these mirrors provide, but I want in. Imagine if we all had mirrors that just told it like it is. "Hey, you're having a bad hair day." Thanks, Captain Obvious. Or, "Maybe lay off the snacks, Karen." It's like having your own personal roasting session every morning.
Let's talk about group photos. We've all been there, standing with a bunch of people, trying to look casual, like we didn't just spend five minutes arranging ourselves into a human Tetris game. And then comes the conflict—the eternal struggle of deciding who's going to hold the camera.
You'd think we're trying to defuse a bomb with the level of tension in the air. Everyone suddenly becomes a photography expert, arguing about angles and lighting. It's like a battle for the coveted title of "Official Group Photographer."
And then there's the one friend who always insists on taking a selfie stick to group outings. They extend it to the max, making everyone else look like they're part of a distant satellite photo. I'm just waiting for the day someone accidentally whacks another person in the face with a selfie stick during this photo war.
Let's talk about the real conflicts in life, the ones that happen in the comfort of your own home. Who here has had a serious showdown over the TV remote? Oh, it's a battlefield, my friends. There are alliances formed and broken within seconds.
It's like a covert operation. You think you've won the battle and finally settled on a show, but then the commercials hit. That's when the real struggle begins. Suddenly, everyone in the room becomes a remote control ninja, diving for the elusive device.
And don't get me started on the silent war of volume control. Someone's trying to watch a gripping drama, and then, out of nowhere, the laugh track from a sitcom pierces the air. It's like living in a war zone where the volume buttons are your only defense.
I'm convinced that if the United Nations held negotiations over the TV remote, we'd have world peace by now.
Let's talk about laundry day. Specifically, let's talk about the mystery of missing socks. I don't know what kind of Bermuda Triangle exists in our washing machines, but it's a real thing. Socks go in as a pair, and suddenly, one of them vanishes into thin air.
I've come to the conclusion that there's a secret society of socks living in the shadows. They're tired of being stuck together, so one of them decides to make a run for it. It's like a sock escape plan. And you're left with that lone sock, wondering if its partner is living its best life somewhere.
I've tried everything to keep them together—laundry bags, safety pins, even sock therapy sessions. But no, they're determined to break free. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a sock rebellion going on in my laundry room right now.

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