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You ever notice how "the Smiths" always seem to have the most unpredictable pets? Last week, I saw them walking a ferret on a leash. I didn't even know ferrets needed walks. What's next, a pet goldfish with a Fitbit?
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The Smiths" threw a costume party last Halloween, and let me tell you, their idea of a spooky costume was dressing up as each other. It was like a family reunion of identical twins who forgot to coordinate.
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I tried to be neighborly and invite the Smiths over for a barbecue. They asked if the grill was vegan-friendly. I didn't even know grills had dietary preferences!
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The Smiths" in my office break room are like ninjas of stealing lunches. I left my sandwich in the fridge for five minutes, and when I came back, it was gone. I'm starting to suspect they have a secret society dedicated to lunch heists.
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I visited the Smiths' house, and they proudly showed me their collection of mismatched socks. They call it "laundry art." I call it a sock reunion that never happened.
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I was at the grocery store the other day, and I swear I saw "the Smiths" in the produce section. They were arguing over whether kale is still a thing or if it's just a conspiracy by the vegetable industry to make us feel guilty about our snack choices.
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You ever notice how every neighborhood has that one house that's perpetually haunted by "the Smiths"? Not the spooky ghosts, I'm talking about the family that hasn't mowed their lawn since '89. You need a machete just to find their front door!
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I went to a neighborhood meeting, and the Smiths suggested we replace the streetlights with glow-in-the-dark garden gnomes. I think they've been binge-watching too much home improvement TV. Now our street looks like a scene from a gnome-themed horror movie.
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I asked the Smiths for gardening tips, and they suggested talking to plants to help them grow. Now, every morning, I go out to my garden and have heartfelt conversations with my tomatoes. I'm pretty sure they're plotting against me.
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