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You ever sit around and suppose, "What if I had superhero powers?" I mean, it's the dream, right? But let's be honest, my superpower would probably be the ability to find my keys in under five minutes. And imagine if we had a superhero team of average people. We'd have Captain Procrastination, who saves the day at the last possible moment. Then there's The Indecisive Avenger, who can't decide whether to fight crime or have a snack.
But the real kicker is The Socially Awkward Superhero. They'd have the power to make any conversation awkward. Villains would be so uncomfortable they'd just give up. "You may be a mastermind, but have you ever had someone say 'You too' when you tell them to enjoy their meal?"
So, suppose I had superhero powers, but only the ones that come in handy during everyday situations. I'd be Super Average, here to rescue you from mildly inconvenient scenarios!
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You ever daydream and suppose, "What if I could time travel?" I'd be the person who goes back in time to give past-me the winning lottery numbers. But then present-me would probably just spend it all on snacks and questionable impulse purchases. And imagine if time travel was a common thing. There'd be Time Traffic Jams, people trying to squeeze into the same historical moment. "Excuse me, I was here first. I'm trying to photobomb the signing of the Declaration of Independence."
But then there's the whole butterfly effect. Suppose I step on a butterfly in the past and it changes the course of history. I'd be responsible for altering the entire space-time continuum, and I can't even commit to a workout routine.
So, suppose I could time travel, but only if I promised not to mess up anything important. I'd be like a tourist in history, taking selfies with dinosaurs and trying not to accidentally invent disco.
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You ever look at your phone and suppose it could talk? I mean, mine would probably be sarcastic as hell. "Oh, you're checking Instagram again? How fascinating. I'm sure the 37th cat video today will change your life." And then there's autocorrect. Suppose autocorrect had a personality? It'd be that friend who thinks they know better than you. "No, you don't mean 'coffee.' You clearly meant 'giraffe.' I got you."
But imagine if your phone could give relationship advice. "You're thinking of texting them again? Really? Let it go, Karen. They're just not that into you. Trust me, I've read your messages."
So, suppose your phone could talk, but only if it had a brutally honest attitude. It'd be like having a tiny, judgmental sidekick in your pocket, roasting your life choices 24/7.
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You ever have those days where you just look at your to-do list and think, "Suppose I could fly, I'd finish all this in no time!" I mean, who wouldn't want to soar above their responsibilities? But let's be real, I can barely handle walking up a flight of stairs without getting winded. And imagine if we could fly? You know that friend who's always late? They'd be like, "Sorry, I got stuck in traffic." And you'd be like, "Traffic? I just flew here, Carol. What's your excuse?"
But then there's the whole outfit situation. Birds make it look easy, right? Feathers, no problem. But if I tried to rock feathers as a fashion statement, people would assume I'm auditioning for a community theater production of Peter Pan.
So, suppose we could fly, but only in sensible clothing. Picture it: a bunch of people in business suits and sensible shoes, soaring through the sky like a flock of very responsible, slightly disgruntled seagulls.
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