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Why is it that we never appreciate a good pen until we find one? You know, that one pen that writes smoothly, doesn't smudge, and suddenly makes you feel like you can conquer the world? It's like finding the Holy Grail of stationery.
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I recently got a smart thermostat, and now I'm in a constant battle with it. It thinks it knows what's best for my comfort, but every time it adjusts the temperature, I feel like it's passive-aggressively judging my lifestyle choices.
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You know you're an adult when you get excited about a new sponge for the kitchen. I mean, who knew cleaning supplies could bring so much joy? It's like, "Look at this sponge! It's got a scrubby side and a soft side. What a multitasker!
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I was at the gym the other day, and I realized the treadmill is the only place where it's socially acceptable to eavesdrop on other people's conversations. I don't mean to be nosy, but if you're having a heated argument on the treadmill next to me, I'm all ears.
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You ever notice how the snooze button on an alarm clock is basically a guilt-free way of telling yourself, "I'm definitely going back to sleep, but I'll feel a little less lazy about it"?
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I tried cooking a fancy recipe the other day, and the instructions said to let the ingredients marinate for an hour. An hour? I don't even let my feelings marinate for that long! I'm more of a microwave dinner kind of chef.
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I was at the grocery store the other day, and I noticed they have 20 checkout lanes, but only two of them are ever open. It's like a game of musical chairs, but you're stuck in line with a cart full of snacks you didn't plan on buying.
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You ever notice how when someone says, "We need to talk," it's never followed by good news? It's like the adult version of, "I have a secret, but you're not going to like it." Can't we just stick to texts for bad news? I prefer my heartbreaks in 240 characters or less.
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Stephen pointed out that our phones are like toddlers. They need constant attention, they throw tantrums if you ignore them, and they somehow always end up sticky. I'm just waiting for the day my phone asks for a juice box.
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