18 Jokes About Spies

Puns

Updated on: Jun 26 2024

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Why did the spy always bring a pencil to the mission? In case he had to draw his weapon!
Why do spies make terrible stand-up comedians? Because they always bomb!
Why did the spy bring a ladder to the mission? Because he wanted to take espionage to the next level!
What do you call a spy who is always cold? A shiver agent!
Why did the spy bring a notebook to the spy party? To keep track of all the classified information!
What's a spy's favorite type of music? Incognito!
What's a spy's favorite exercise? Espion-age!
What do you call a spy who can sing? A bond, James Bond!
I tried to impress my date by taking her to a spy-themed restaurant. Turns out, it was so secret even Google Maps couldn't find it!
Ever notice how spy gadgets in movies are incredibly high-tech, but in real life, it's just an endless array of hidden cameras disguised as mundane objects? I'm starting to feel paranoid about my toaster.
Spies and toddlers have a lot in common. Both are experts at gathering information, both have a knack for disappearing at the most inconvenient times, and both are surprisingly skilled in the art of espionage.
I don't understand why spies bother with disguises. If they just wore 'I'm not a spy' T-shirts, no one would suspect a thing!
If I were a spy, I'd be the one always getting caught because I'd forget the secret handshake. 'Oh, sorry, I thought you were doing the Macarena.'
I've always wondered how spies stay in shape. I mean, do they have a secret agent gym where they practice stealth workouts? 'Today's mission: 007 squats and covert cardio!'
You know you've watched too many spy movies when you start suspecting your pet goldfish is secretly working for a covert agency. I mean, those constant bubbles? Suspicious.
I think my neighbor is a spy. He keeps asking me for my Wi-Fi password but won't share his. Definitely gathering intel.
Spies must have the best poker faces. Me? I can't even hide my disappointment when the pizza place forgets my extra cheese.
Undercover spies must have the hardest time at job interviews. 'So, tell me about your last job?' 'I can't, it's classified.'

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