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You ever notice how in 2019, every speech began with someone adjusting the microphone stand for what felt like an eternity? It was like a prelude to a symphony of awkwardness. I was waiting for them to announce, "Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's performance: The Mic Stand Shuffle!
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You ever notice how speakers in 2019 had this habit of starting every sentence with "So"? It was like they were initiating a secret speech club. "So, let's talk about quarterly reports. So, projections are up. So, everyone's doing great." So, can we start a petition to retire that word from public speaking?
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Let's talk about the obligatory joke at the beginning of speeches. You know, the one that's supposed to break the ice? It's always so cringe-worthy that I'm convinced there's a secret society of speechwriters who compete to craft the most awkward opening lines.
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Remember those clickers speakers used for slides? It's 2019, and we're still clicking through slides like it's a digital pop-up book. I half-expected them to go, "And here, if you click one more time, a PowerPoint fairy will grant you three wishes.
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Speeches were the only place in 2019 where people still used the laser pointer. It's like, "Welcome to the 21st century, where we have holograms, but I'll be using this red dot to mesmerize you." By the end of the speech, I felt like a cat on the receiving end of an existential crisis.
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You know you're in for a treat when the speaker starts a sentence with, "In today's fast-paced world." I always wanted to raise my hand and ask, "Which world are you living in? Because in my world, it took me ten minutes just to find matching socks this morning.
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Speeches in 2019 were like a battle between the speaker and the projector remote. It was always this intense dance – click, slide, click, slide. I swear, those remotes were like TV-remote ninjas, dodging the speaker's attempts like, "You won't control my slides today!
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I love how speakers would wrap up with, "I'll leave you with this thought." It's like they're handing out nuggets of wisdom, but all I got was another item on my mental to-do list. "Great, now I have to contemplate the meaning of life before lunch.
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Speeches in 2019 were the only place where standing ovations felt like mandatory calisthenics. It's like, "Please rise for the speaker," and you're thinking, "Can't I just give a hearty nod from my seat? My knees aren't up for this.
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